NO PAIN, NO GAIN :)

Well, hello NOVEMBER and finally im employed. I started working last 31st and it was somehow a surprise. My first day was that tiring but its still fine. I had a buddy the whole day but I just had 6credits w/c means I got a halfday pay. Im with ate rose, R.A for5years. Well, she's kind, walang duda, but she has this attitute w/c I dont much like. As what I expect, this new world of mine is kinda creepy. haha. My second day was a dissapointment. They just sent us home and I was like "haler? pumunta kme here for nothing?". Now I know it happens, they call it "sent home". I really felt bad that time, Im excited and ready to do 6six rooms on my own and they'll gonna cut my excitement and instead sent me home. Okay the 3rd day was a challenge, the most awaited thing happened, they let me cleaned 6 rooms on my own, no buddy. It was a tiring day for me and from then I realized how hard to be an R.A. I had lots of faults and I finished my 6 rooms by 8:30pm. Gosh! my body hurts most. WORST! As if I cant walk na! as in grabe. back pain, body pain much that I need pain relievers to ease the pains! All check out rooms. ang hirap hirap pala! Im still lucky my supervisor that time was kind and  good, somehow he helps me but there's still some "kabadtripan" that he shows to me, but I know its part of it, being yelled and disgraded by them, I'll just use it as my motivation. Basta I'll never let go of it. I know I can do it coz this is what I want to do with my life! Today I was again "sent home". So hopefully tomorrow I'll make rooms again, but still 6rooms, that's my capacity pa din. haha! Ang slow much ko. :( but okay na din. I'll take it slowly but surely! Tinatamad na ku magelaborate next time nlang antok na akes! 2am na oh!

I had a chance to talk to Rob today :) And somehow it mades me happy. He's gonna court me again daw, hmmm but I said NO again! Im super duper inlove with him still. But I have to do this! Ewan ang labo labo ku talga! What I hate bout him is that sya pa nagpupush sken to give upon this work, as in! di daw bagay sken mag R.A coz pang guys lang daw toh. hmf w/c is I dont agree on that! I'll prove to him. Pero Basta kung magkakajowa ulet aku nagun, sya at sya lang gustoko! hay! ang gulo ku! lets just not talk bout my <3 life! nakakabaliw lang!



wishmeluck later! hay! 6rooms ULET sana!
aikatz :)

Bruno Mars - Today My Life Begins

wow! its my first time to hear this song and it made me like it soooo sooooo much :) this is the song of my life now :) <3 it

0ct. 27th 2012, saturday 1:43 am


Now i know! DREAMS can truly be come true ONLY if you know how to DREAM !



I got a job!


MAKATI SHANGRI-LA
Naalala ku lang, Last year around february, I went to pmi to process my TOR/Diploma, something like that, at the same time went @heritage hotel to pass my resume. I just finished my onboard ojt soooo i was totally excited much that time, I thought pa nga mas madali aku makakapasok sa hotel coz of my ojts.. haha akala ku lang pala un :) On my way home I rode a bus, Im in Pasay that time, maiinit, madae tao, sakit na ng feet ku kakalakad at nakakagutom(sobra) at magisa lang ako. Just when I rest my aching body @ a bus, napapamuni muni aku, traffic(malamang EDSA eh) iniisip ku when they'll gonna call me, feeling ko tangap na agad aku kahit nagpasa plang aku ng resume. haha.. superb pa pagkapositive ku that time! Im not that super familiar pa sa south part ng edsa that time, so my focus is outside the window(baka lumagpas aku eh) then suddenly we passedby the makati area, wow. Dun aku naamazed, Dusit thani, Peninsula pati Intercon.. Pero mas lalo aku natulalei nung nakita ku ung Makati Shang. Paramis walang halong biro o etchos, I stared for about a minute siguro without blinking @makati shang, I dont know why pero among those hotels that Ive seen that time, sa makati shang aku nakabuo ng mindgoal, in my mind; "Grbe kelan kaya aku makakapagtrabaho jan? pano kaya jan magaaply? One of my dreams is to work there swear!". Kaya ngaun mejo di padin akes magmake believe that I was hired officially there, I passed that 5 interviews same as the training and evaluation. Malamang sau, sa kanila wala lang toh, but for me its a dream come true as in, its one of my bucket list and now its gonna happen baby! Yes honestly at some point I felt like I dont wanna do this anymore.why? coz I had doubt on myself whether I can do it or not, but when I had all those flashbacks of what Ive done just to make it happen, it completes me, somehow it tells me that I have and want to be here. Now, ive proven that if you have a dream, you work hard for it, it'll eventually come true.



Well... 3star condohotel(La Breza)? di aku para dun:)  4star hotel? (camelot) di rin aku para dun :) hmmm.. newly 5 star hotel? hah mas lalong di rin aku para dun:) dahil pang 5star bussiness shangri-la hotel pala aku :)
Know what honestly, those first attempts in hotel made a huge negativity impact on me, on my life. Everytime I got rejections, I have to ask myself "why?! What's wrong? Im doing everything Im not giving up but why still NO, always NO?!" It came to the point wherein I almost gave up. But now I understand why those rejections had happened, God wants a bigger opportunity, He has brighter plans for me, and now I know how FAITH can really help. He really exist, all the time :) You just have to TRUST Him.


Now, Im expecting a bigger and bolder challenges, obstacles and struggles but Im less worried and scared coz I know and have FAITH on him. From the workplace, workmates, guests and the work itself I know I'll encounter alot, but I'll just have to focus, do what's right always and NEVER give up on everything. enjoy, live and fullfill..


Im on halfway towars my GOAL, to be on a cruiseship :) still that's what I want :)




lovelife stat!
 I still <3 Rob! honestly! Im still inlove with him. dont know until when but somehow it kills me to the bone as days passby without him in my life:( He stopped texting me anymore when I told him we cant be together again. :( I cant see myself right now looking/flirting/loving for any other guy except him. :( iloveyouRobsanaalammo!



Got to go, its running late nanman. I have to wake up early :)




aikatz! still dreaming baby :)

..hay grabe! After 6months, I found this blog entry in my files and I wanna share it kxe ininspire akes nung mga thoughts ku! Specially the ending part, pati ung bout kai aj.. Ganun ku pla sya kalove dati?!! Hay! naloka aku, and definetely after 2years of loving this guy I can say that he's nothing to me now!! Got curious? I have his pic..

There he is. I cant believe that I used to love this guy before. And I learned that feelings can vanished din pala, but it takes time though.. Dati sobra at sobra akung inlabish to him.. as in.haha.. Pakatanga much din. Ung anything I'll do for him, kahit lugi at ginagago na nia ku, kiber basta mahal ku sya. Ung feeling ku kame na para sa isat isa. nakakatawa isipin at alalahanin! Hay! Siguro nga nagmamature nadin aku ngaun, narerealized ku na mga bagay bagay. haha! As far as I know, he has a girlfriend now, and they look perfect and I'm sooo happy they made it very well.. Actually ung pic niang yan kasama nia talga ung girl, but I just cropped. hehe! 


Right now, magoone month na akes single, and Im just enjoying it. I still love Robert and even he's doing things for us to be together again i'd rather choose not to. sabe ku nga mas bagay akung ganto eh, single. Para tahmik, para mas masaya. Bawas bawas din sa pagflirt para di aku nakakarma.. haha! mature mature din :) Enjoy life nlangssss!


Here's the blog entry awanna share! read!
april 08,2012
10:34pm

randomly speaking:) + im learning! promise!!

hey! zup? obviously im making this stuffs again, writing. why i used to do this over and over again. top reason is that it makes me feel better, most especially in this times, when im much stress.... ill just make my mind flow...i mean type what i want to, pretty jerk isnt it? hmmm.. not that much! am i talking to myself nanman ba? haha.. hmm.. forget bout it...

well, 8m0s had already passedby, since i seriously post on my blogsite..and im about to tell what had happened on that particular 8m0s....lol:)

it all started last year of july 29th, i was hired, as i wished and finally it was granted.. housekeeping/room attendant @mariefrance:)FIRTS JOB!!! did i work hard to achieved that job? hmmm.. not that much:) haha.. yabang. actually i was scheduled to have my application @dolphin agency(international cruiselines) about 2mos later but since i was hired it didnt happened. i mean i refuse on that dolphin agency over mariefrance. bad decision? maybe half yes and halfway no!! lol okay, lezznot talk bout that.. uhm, my first week @mf was like a hell, a very disgusting acting supervisor was worst + the work itself was worst than worst and i was like "nganga" talga. as in, kungbaga shock na shock, it was really a surprise on me. ang hirap pla magtarbaho:/ haha.. the pressures @work made me feel stress all of the time.. sometimes, i had to cry on my way to work, coz i was like "sheeet, im going work nanman, i have to surpass this day". crying lady, i must say, on my way work + way home.. while nothing sees me, @ the backpart of bus while heading the traffic road of EDSA..lol.. (tandang tanda talga) but soon enough i got used with it. i learned. actually if were gonna analyzed my work description its not as hard as it is,what makes it hard is the people around you.. when im @ morning shift, i really have to be early, maybe around 6 i should be @ the center, i have to wait for the other staff, the one who has the key, as soon as she arrived i have to open our center, it was kinda creepy most especially the part that i had to turn the lights on from the recept-hallways-pantry-cons rooms-treatment rooms which was about 20-25 rooms, ugh and dont forget the 2 switches of aircon and the they say haunted cr:).. when i first did the opening shift, i forgot to  punch my dtr on the bundy clock..haha.. aligaga much.. but as they say, practice makes perfect, after a couple of weeks im best @ it.. :) serving the clients was part of our job too, giving them all they need just to make their stay on us comfortable, also we need to follow up the rooms as fast as we can, maybe around 5mins it should be all done, from the linens to the set-up and most of all it should be clean, really clean, most of the clients were rich people that should be majorly treated well.. also, we have to fix the linens + towels and we also have our own laundrys, we need to finish all the dirty stuffs as much as possible(i know how to use those big washing machines + dryer:). washing the dishes, doing orders, doing the inventories of the commissaries, detergent, softener + tissues delievery.. we have some paper works to do.. sometimes attending to the needs of the therapist + consultant even the doctors..hayyyy! we have lots and tons of things to do on our working hours, we dont have that formal one hour break, you can eat whenever, but you should attend to every work, you should know how to balance eating + working.. the biggest part was that, we had to clean the whole center, our supervisor/team leader checks our center every now and then, and if she caughts a dirty center, get ready coz its a worst day for everyone....lol kaya minsan b4 i got to work, i made a deep breathe and i was like "whoa, haler toxic world please be good @ me today and ill just let it flow, come what may:)" kase you'll never know talga what's gonna happen next.. mabilis pa naman facing ng mga situation.. sometimes, its not maiiwasan na mai mga lost things ang client, since we were the ones who clean the rooms, they put the blame on us, eventhough we never ever stole they're missing fones, ipad, jewelry or even money, we were the suspect w/c mades me upset...but despite of all of those things im soo lucky kxe i was never ever kick out of that job, im the one who decided to stop it.. okay, on this first job, andae ku natutunan on myself....there were times that i felt i was really stress, w/c is normal as an employee, i became an alchoholic girl, i want to go gimmicks as often as possible, i thought it would relieved the stress that im suffering. ung mga times na wala na ku pake kahit ilang yosi na nahihithit ku, kahit ilan o anung drinks na iniinum ku.. worst was umuwi na ku ng morning, kse ayaw ku umuwi.. feeling ku na independent na ku, i dont even care for my parents, hay...na kung san san na ku nagsususuot na lugar, na kung sinu sino nlang dinedate ku.. na nging materialistic na ku, na walei na ku paki kung sinu nasasaktan ku, na naging TANGA ku(aj), na i make promises i cant keep, na walei na ku limitations on myself come what may, na im telling to myself that its enough but sige padin aku ng sige, na masyado akung harsh, na nakalimutan ku na ung goal ku and most of all, i keep on saying that im with God, but honestly im NOT, i've already forgotten Him. and all of that narealized ku lang lately, after i resigned, na basta andae and sobrang dae ku na plang fault.. and i think i was really on the wrong track... but as they say, everybody deserves a chance.. haha.. but i dont regret anything from those experinces coz it just built me more stronger and it gave knowledge on me.. i pity myself those times that i was lost but i never regret talga. parmis.. ive learned to appreciate life more than everything, that i was blessed, that i got more w/c i never see before. pag puro hatred talga nasa heart mu, nothings gonna happen. maybe being frustrated with <3 was the #1 reason why id suffer those things. all this time, over and over again, i kept on thinking and loving HIM, but its not worth it. un nga, love is really blind. cguro, out of 100%, 1% lang ung reason why should i love HIM, and that 1% makes me believe that i should keep on loving HIM. kahit mali, kahit malabo. i tried to look for love, kse i thought nga that it would make me forget HIM, for a while it worked, but in the end of the day, sya at sya padin naiisip ku...ang <3 ku..so corny right? but its true.. haaaayyyyy! thats the way it is.. pero since dumaan ung 2 weeks including ung holy week, nakapag isip isip nadin aku,,..


And ill continue my career.. ung muntik ku ng makalimutang career ku, goal ku.. haha.. uo nga e, buti nalang cover photo ku un sa fb.. that would be my super goal....:) "CRUISESHIP"
another emo story of me!! haha.. alam ku naman na dadating din ung time na mababasa ku tong mga kaaningan kung to, na proud and tatawanan ku nlang specially ung part ng </3 ku..ill be honest.. i still love HIM.. idk until when pero alam ku dadating din ung day na un! ryt JOHN LOMIBAO JR? lol

work work work i need u!! hotel industry here i come:) or much better ship life AGAIN:)
opportunity meet me ASAP:)

xoxo
aikatz</3    

10-09-12
12:33am

Hey! wazup? yes you.. the one who's reading my blog.. haha! I know naman that still somebody's reading this.. soooo wanna know lang if ur feeling okay! Obviously I cant sleep again, so that's why Im typing and typing and typing now, oppps Im listening music also :) Before, when I was about 8-9years old, I dont like listening music swear, specially during night.. I hate my sistah coz of that, she use to listen music before sleeping and since were on the same room, same bed I had no choice but to suffer.. haha.. but whenever she's asleep I turn the music off. Some sort of weirdo side of mine. But now, I LOVE music.. It can change my mood instanly + Im a pathetic hopeless singer.. haha! Malay mu, gaganda din ang voice ku. lol. OKay! today what I did is to clean our house, do our laundry(take note our washing machine's defective so I did it manually, using my hands) as a result my hands were burning to death.. haha. But no worries, I know it'll heal indue time! haha OA! Im enjoying being a house buddy.. As someone told me I have to enjoy everything that's happening in my life. Enjoy PRESENT! dont think much bout FUTURE :) Awanna share this pics pla with my two bulilit sibblings, After we had our dinner, we just had fun by taking pics.. They're not always in the mood to strike a pose soooo I made it sulit kanina :)haha




*happy to bond with them :)

I still got no response from Makati Shang.. but Irwin(one of my fellow applicant) texted me and says that his coor told him that his ojt will start on Monday. Since were on different agencies, still I cant assure that Ill have mine on Monday too.. soooo I have to wait still a go signal from my coor... FAITH + PATIENCE lang!



aikatz!

10-06-12 02:23am
saturday

blah blah blah...


Heya! Since Im not sleepy yet and looking over pictures, wanna share this weirdo pics of mine.. I just notice madalas akes my pimples na bonggang huge! haha! hmmm.... check this out

haha! most of the time its on my forehead! When will I ever be pimple free?.. You know what when I was 12 or 13years old, I always dream of having pimple so that I can start to use those toners and creams just like my ate. So because of my katangahan I start using those things at the age of 14 ata, even though I have a pimple free face, worst part is bec. of that my face was ruin, I was in my junior hs year when I stared having pimples, and from then I can get rid of it...haha! I do believe also that too much thinking can cause pimples + make ups! I always checks my hygiene, eat fruits, Ive tried to use ata all kinds of toners and creams but still...I cant be simply pimple worry free!!!lol



#shareness!
aikatz :)

OCTOBER 05, 2012 "gosh october na!!!"
01:24am and still awake...TGIF anyway! :)


What should I say? As I wrote on my "to do list" this month, I would write more blog entries...

oha! well, why should i? uhm simply coz I know and believe the next months for me will be busy busy + i feel more stress and I think blogging will somehow ease some of it!

uhmmm.. dah! I dont know what to say! Im f*cking speechless!...... okay! Lets start with why did I say Im stress??? Yah I know I always consider myself stress! But basically right now is more stressful than the other times, haha! may masabe lang?! I'll give you pointers-

#1 my career!
I dont know why Im so so so soooo much bother bout it, I had a little bit agony and somehow it kills me to the bones! How did it happened? I mean, before I was a total normal one, I dont care bout future, but now, its everything... If I fail, there's no point of living!Screw me for being sooo OA but that's definetely true. That's my point of view right now. SOS anyone?! At some point its good, I have the what you called "FOCUS", but sometimes it mades me so rude, as if everything's a competion for me that I have to win coz if I lose I might commite suicide!(ok, that one  i think its OA haha) Like now, Ive been waiting for that Makati Shang for my ojt/training for almost 2weeks, it bothers me alot that until now they've never communicate with me bout it and waiting is just a hard thing for me to do. Maybe because Im just here inside our house watch as time goes by and by and by and by....but despite of that, I still have 2things that's left behind and what makes me worth the waiting, FAITH + PATIENCE! :) still targeting CRUISESHIP baby!!! that's for sure! soooo wishmeluck!


#2 my family
okay! honestly I dont what to elaborate more on it, its NOT just because im ashamed of, its just I dont want to talk bout it coz it mades me sad. basta were on the rocks but I know and believe it'll be settled on the right time! We just need time to heal, to think, to accept and forgive each one of us...


#3 that guy! I fall on a wrong guy again!
okay! This one, I want to elaborate! haha
Who's this guy im talking with? Robert Belo! haha... Do I really have to type his full name? uhm Ofcourse I have! I love him!!! ILOVEHIM for Christ sake! And now im sooo having a hard time forgeting him, not exactly him coz I know I would never ever forget this guy, but im talking bout my feelings for him, its so hard to forget! Okay I know I never talk bout him on my previous blog entries, and I think I should now express what I really feel...He made a huge impact on me and I dont know why????!!

okay! It all started last MAy 12, 2012. Credits on my journal I have dates and proofs haha!

haha! As I try to remember this day it was full of energy, as in swear, We(Mami and I) went stroll @cubao. I dunno why but I felt like somethings gonna happen, and there it goes, I met him thru mami(beth), her classmate, they're realtives pa ata. But when I first saw this guy, I felt nothing, okay! He caught me for a while, goodlooking eh, but soon as I asked mami who's that guy, she told me he has a girlfriend and so I stop asking, I know Im a flirt but Im not a relationship wrecker + mami told me he's a police, haha alam na! tsk! BTW, we met accidentally!! or by fate??? haha


After almost 3mos, August 01,2012, I will never ever forget that day. I was @lrt line one, it was afternoon and Im soooo not on my best mood, I asked myself "Give me reason/s why should i be happy today oh God?" Then just after a couple of minutes my fone rang! when I check on it, Ive got 1missed call from an unknown #, I didnt mind it. After a while it rang again, Ive got 5msgs. 3 from that unknown # and 2 from mami. There you have it, mami gave my # to him. At first I never replied since im tired of flinging and flinging that time. I was like,"hay! lalake nanman! im sooo tired of this thing, gusto ku career naman!". But until I got home there's something that mades me want to reply on this guy. Until I replied and that's the start! I dont know why but we started perfectly, as if we knew each other very much. I can tell everything on him, my career, my family even the smallest details of my life. We went very well that made me believe that his really different and far from the others. Before ive got M.U's, flings but he offered to court me seriously "daw". I told him we can be magON instantly, but im not serious since im soo used with this stat, but he refuses he says he want us to be together seriously "daw". And I was wondering why? Days and weeks passed, this guy makes my life exciting. Just when he came into my life, career opportunities came in also and so I always called him lucky charm. All those times I know in myself that Im not inlove with him, yes interested much but still NOT love. We talked via text or call everyday.

He sets dates wherein we can meet and bond with each other but it always fails to happen simply because i dont want to. I never thought that I would end up meeting him, maybe I was a bit curious nadin bout him + i know this guy is something sooo finally we met last AUGUST 27,2012 and we're officially together! Actually a night before that day I already told him that were ON starting that next day. I was really happy that day! best date ever as of now, i must say! But still I never thought I love him, Im just having fun, that's it. I never care for  my true feelings for him then.

After the date, we communicate more, and I like it. After almost 2 years Im in a serious relationship stat again. I promised him I'll be serious, really serious bout him, deeply serious. I make believe myself that he's feeling the same way! A week ago, it was changed! I dunno why he just ly-low, as in, less phone puch and text, it came to the point that we start fighting for his doings and he start not to text me anymore! The fuck! I dont know why! Its much okay if he confronted and said straightly on me that he doesnt want "us" anymore, that he had enough. But I got nothing, he just vanished without saying anything! At first I was like "shet! anyun? ganun ganunan nlang? okay if that's what he wants!" but as days passed and still I got no text from him, I start worrying and feeling the pain of what he did. He just hang me up in the air! That's the point I told myself "potek! mahal na pala kita Robert! sheeeeet ambobo ko"....He never text me talga, I think for 5consecutive days, as in no reply! Until that one Sunday afternoon I was @Quiapo, praying and ask sign from God if I should start forgeting him, right after my prayer, I had a msg from him! God gave me the sign instantly, but @ first I didnt accepted it in a blink, it count 3days before I cant help but to answer again his calls, from then, I start asking him why why why he did that. His reasons were soooo rude, it doesnt make sense, but since I love him I had no choice but to be "tanga". We still continue what we had, but were not what we're before. I miss so hard the "us before". We communicate less, just when he wants to. Until finally I decided to cut it off! I texted him! It was last september 21, 2012, 6days before our first monthsary! I never thought that it'll end like this!

I thought we'll make it longer, stronger and seriously but anything of that didnt happen. Just the other day, he try to text and call me again and acting like nothing wrong had happened, like I never texted him that Im giving up. And it took alot of encouragement for me NOT to reply or even answer his phone calls! I really need to be "focus" and NOT tanga! Yes I know its hard coz I love him super duper as in bonggang bongga! Its really hard to let him go just when I really dont like to, but I have to do this, hanggat kaya ku pa sya ilet go, Ayoko dumating sa point na walei na kung magagawa kundi pakatanga nalng skanya ever! I have to accept the fact that he's just another sh*t guy who just broke my heart again, that he's NOT different from those past guys I had! and still I fall on the wrong guy:(

talking bout moving ON!! that's life!

For you Rob!
Still its a big question for me why biglang naging ganyan ka? Dba I always tell you okay lang saken kahit iwanan mu ku anytime, you just have to tell it to me straightly. Not like this, youre just trying to make me feel okay tau pero hindi, hinding hindi alam mu yan! Nahurt aku swear! Pinaglaban kita kay mama na iba ka sa lahat, pero ngaun wala aku masabe mas tama padin pla si mama. Akala ku kaya ku makipagsabayan sa trip mu, hindi pla coz the more i stay the more it hurts. Sana from the very beginning sinabe mu sken na ganto gusto mung set up edi sana I dont make believe myself na serious us. Unfair ka! super! Aku sinasabe ku lahat lhat ng nasa isip ku bout sau pero ikaw hindi. Well kahit ganto ending natin, I thank you for teaching me to be more mature! Siguro sobrng immature ku date but now I know what's my priority and not. Andae at sobrang dae mung advice saken na sobrang tama at nagsink-in sakin ng bongga! Sa family ku, that I have to follow my parents, they still know what's best for me. Sa mga ginagawa ku like, panget sa gurl umiinom pati nagiismoke. Andae ng nagsabe sken nun pero nung ikaw na nagsabe nun dun ku lang narealized na tama pla un. haha walang halong biro. Pati ung pagsasalita ku ng bad words, ung EPAL, fuck, shit... Im starting to live without those words :) tnx! And sabe mu ang love di un hinahanap kxe kusang dumadating un, dati I dont believe in that but now i know its soooo super true. kxe katulad mu kusang dumating lang sa buhay ku kahit di ku naman hinahanap at inaasahan. eww ang corny much ku nu pero everything ng sinabe ku dito super true! lahat naman ng sinasabe ku totoo eh! Im regreting one thing, sana pala di nalang kita sinagot, kase mas masaya ung date eh, nung di pa tau, enjoy lang... un ung sobrang namimiss ku. pramis i super duper love u right now! and that's why I decided to cut this off. hanggat kaya ko pa! Sorry if I fail to talk to you thru fone,pinramis ku kxe un, im not gonna teks u anymore not until I forgotten my feelings for u, di naman kita kakalimutan, its just too way impossible, part kna ng life ku, ung feelings ku lang sau ung kakalimutan ku. Im not mad at you swear I just dont need to talk to you right now, give me atleast two months and promise we can be friends again if you still want to. Basta di aku bitter ah. Ikaw, baka ayaw mu na ku makita/makausap for life, haha decision mu yan, basta im telling everything what's on my mind. Its not drama or what. Dapat di na talga aku magoopen sau pero naisip ku pangit din not to elaborate you all of this afterall isa ka sa mga truly sineryoso ku. :) okay! ive said alot. goodluck on us! may you find the right girl for you, i'll pray for that:) tnx for everything! you're still a blessing for me. Godbless! :)   

 
I sent it in his fb account, so he'll probably read it surely! After writing that, I feel much more better! *sighs And so I promise this OCTOBER will be a behave month for me, Ill never look, hunt, search and need love:)
I have some topics and postings to be discuss but since this "love" issues of mine had blown me out that I felt tired and I think I need and deserve some rest. I'll just continue this when I got time(of course I do have lots of time, Im unemployed, not busy!) I mean when I get my mood again i'll discuss those! haha

nightie!!!

aikatz!
#moving oN :)

CASINO thing is NOT my thing!
09-16-12
12:12am



Hmmmm.. Guess what? Im still unemployed for the past 176days.. lol for that LONG :( But since I have more and more FAITH on Him(God), Im less worried :) Okay let's talk bout that CASINO thing, since that's the title of this blog entry :)

You'll not gonna believe who texted me yesterday(09-14-12), Magsaysay Maritime Corp. OMG to the 100th time! Ive known that company eversince I was a college student at PMI way back 2years from now. Ive heard lots an lots of rumors bout that, some says "Naku Magsaysay? Mahirap makapasok jan, mahigpit sobrrra! Kelangan madae ka experience, Naku bata kpa, di ka tatanggapin jan, Kelangan ng backer jan, palakasan jan eh". Wheew those were some of the thoughts Ive got from my friends whenever I asked them bout Magsaysay. So I myself, never tried to go there to have an application, I was totally scared! Not until yesterday. How did I got there? Okay, almost 2months ago I opened my JOBsdb account and to my surprise I saw an add from them, that they need GSA/Casino staff, here's a printscreen copy of the available position on them:

Age? check! College level? check! with or WITHOUT experience? super check! Soo, just when I saw this I immediately click the quick apply button. I mean, haler! I may not be familiar with the position, but I dont mind it, It's on seabased/CRUISESHIP baby! That's my biggest dream right now! lol. So, going back to the story, I did that application almost 2mos from now, as what ive said a while ago. So I never ever thought that they'll gonna text me yesterday. Just when I read the msg, I shouted outloud, my mom and sis thought Im crazy coz of the shout, they thought I won the first prize on a lottery! haha. Without any hesitation I replied on them! On my way @kalaw, to their office, I was like soooo much "tulalei". I dont know why? Maybe coz, its my first time, you know applying for cruiseship, seriously and in MAGSAYSAY pa! Im soo scared with them! But I was like "Bahala na! testing lang! kiber what would happen later, basta soya lang" to myself. I was late, It was 4:30pm wherein I should be there by 4:00pm, my bad, I forgot that it was Friday yesterday, meaning soooo traffic + I almost forgot how to get there in Kalaw, Ive never been there for almost a year. To my surprise, the guard asked me alot before letting me in the bldg. Wow, as I enter I saw lots of applicants, how did I know they were all applicants? haha! It's their recruitment department eh! haha! I go straight to the reception and they entertained me immediately. They get my weigh and HEIGHT! and wait for my turn for the screening/interview. It was taglish, so good, female interviewer. We talked everything on my resume. In short- I failed! I didnt make it. Why? First and foremost coz of my HEIGHT. Im just 156cm wherein the qualifications says it should be 162cm. 6cm. made a difference! Another one, my hands!:

What's with that? Since Im applying for a casino staff, the hands are the most important thing! they should be PERFECT! I had 2 fowls, first, I have a mole and second I have a sweaty hands. That two factor is a big big no if you want to be a casino staff. Plus I dont have any idea about the gambling stuff. Swear, I dont even know how to play poker, pusoy or even tong-its. haha. And that's how it ended.

 What motivates me that time, was the interviewer's words of wisdom, she asked me if I really want to be on a CRUISEship, I said yes aloud. I told her I want to be a cabin steward, She told me that my past experinces were great, its a good start and if I already have worked on a 3-5 star hotel for atleast a year then it'll be much easier for me to achieve what I want. She says Im to young and I have lots of opportunities. Before going home, I went to Quiapo church, sent my prayers and told to myself, "Maybe, it isnt the right time, I may not be for a GSA position coz what I want is to be a cabin steward, I know I'll achieve it someday, I'll strive more and more, do watever it takes just to make it happen:)"

That was the second attempt on being a casino dealer. One month ago, I also tried my luck and applied as an online casino dealer @Ortigas, a friend of mine told the infos on me, since she is working there. She told me, CASINO is great, petics na work + easy and bigger money. So I got curios bout this casino thing. Hmm.. I must try, this new world. When they texted me for an interview it was a blast coz I cant believe that they texted me again since i've rejected the first invitation coz I had interview @shang. haha. Me and the other applicants had our panel interview and screening with the korean owners. As a result I didnt make it. But it never bothered me. I know I didnt do my best there, and honestly I dont like working in there promise, somehow I feel its somelike an illegal business, I smell something on this company. BASTA!


After that two attempts being on the gambling industry, I must say! it isnt my thing really! But im not closing my doors. You'll never know someday I'll master all those gambling games and be one of the effective casino dealers we had today.. haha as if! Seriously, sometimes trying a new world is not wrong or bad, its a matter of trying trial and error, since everything in this world is free to dig on, why shouldn't I try anything, everything. Ill do it, if its the way of achieving my top goal: CRUISESHIP! :)


As for now, Im taking my road slowly but surely. I want things to be on the right track. On Monday will be my 4th out of 5sets of interviews @makati Shangri-la. Just a few step on my target now: to be in a 5star hotel. It's hard, really hard. But through strongly faith on Him I know I can do it. :)

WISHMELUCK:)


aikatz!

Hey what's going ONnnn??!!

aug. 10, 2012 entry :)

okay. its been almost a month since i last wrote. uhm i just dont feel like doing it. As you can see the date, it's AUGUST now, 4months and 20days unemployed :( Im still not giving up. Im maybe so upset this past few months but now i know things should never pushed when its still not to happen, that no matter how i plan things, in the end its God who's gonna decide everything..:) (faith lang.) Uhm as this month dropsby, i started passing resumes via online. And guess what, just the day after, i got responseS. Good responses, i must say:) Ive got the LGS agency which they'll gonna endorse me @makati shangrila hotel, (damn. its a five star hotel baby! Ive been dreaming on working there eversince.) + the fact that I'll be applying as a Room Attendant position. OMG! its a dream come true:) and also a response from that online casino dealer somewhere  in ortigas. Ive been waiting that call 2 weeks ago. Since I also wanted to try how to be a casino dealer( i think its exciting! the gambling stuff). That was a dilemma for me. Both of them was scheduled last Monday at the very exact time, 1pm:) haha. It was so hard to choose which of them should i pick. The path i really wanted to be(Room attendant) or the new world I wanted to try (casino dealer). wheew! I prayed so hard and followed what's on my heart:) i choosed Shangri-la:)

It was MOnday, First day of the week. Fourth attempt @hotel industry. Heavy rain. I guess I was totally prepared, I even search facts about Shang and being a Room attendant. As I always says, I'll always do my BEST in everything and God:) will take the REST. I wasnt expecting much that time. Im just after the experience of how to be interviewed @shang and also to enter the employee's entrance of the hotel. I dont know, but it was a big privilage for me as a hotelwork dreamer.. haha. I think were all 40-50 applicants, most were boys, good looking boys:). lol. Also the girls were all pretty and tall. As usual, my competitors has their degrees, tourism and HRM from well-known Universities. Im getting used of it. Were also from different agencies. Most of us were applying as a Food attendant.  they need huge counts of that position for the banquet. The food attendants applicants will just undergo 2 interviews unlike us the Room attendant applicants will do 5 interviews..:) The first interviewer was the HR supervisor. A girl, thank God. Honestly I was really, super duper nervous that time although I had encountered lots of interview sessions in the past. At first I felt my voice was shaking that she had to pardon me haha. But I focused my mind, eye contacted her and speak loud and clear. Since she's in a hurry that time, she has this 2 questions for me, first is the "tell me something about yourself" and what to you think is the role of a room attendant?. I answered it both well, but im not that much confident that I made it until our coor told me so. OMG! I was like? really? Im gonna go back here for the next interview? hahahah! praise God:) I owe it to Him. EVERYTHING! I guess Mondays are always GOOD:) but not until the day ends. It was raining whole day and that causes to have a flash flood in different part of Manila, specially in Pasig.

















 
aikatz :)

still "NO" for the 3rd time, Friday the 13th kaxe:)

I wasnt able to write here on my blogsite for almost one month? haha.

HEIGHT! HEIGHT! HEIGHT! In hotel industry, Why is it the highest qualification that an applicant should possess????
Today was half crazy. I was endorsed @New World Hotel, actually ive never heard that hotel before. I have to search files bout it and to my surprise, its a 5star hotel:) I got excited:)) It was located in Makati, beside Greenbelt5. I woke up early in the morning just to make this on the right track. I really should put my best effort on it, since it was my third interview on a hotel + the fact that it's a five atar. I found out that today was Friday the 13th, I dont believe about badlucks during this rare days coz for me its a reverse, I feel always lucky instead. lol. I headed the hotel, it was easy to find. I was amazed by the ambiance the hotel has, so sossy and cozy. I looked @ the entrance of the hotel very much, cause i was applying for a doorlady position, just curious how they work things there. The bellman and the ushers even the vallet parker, theyre all handsome:) as in..(palong palo) I went straight to the employee's entrance, as usual @the back part of the hotel, as instructed by the guards. One point why i love'd this industry is that all the employees are very much hospitable, you can always see the smile in their faces:)) To my surprise, my name wasn't listed on the endorsement letter. WTF! I was like, OMG its not happening. I called my agency, my coor and asked her about the situation. I was relieved when she informed me that everything's settled, there was just an error bout those such endorsement. We're all 14 female applicants waiting for the interviewer. Nervous? not so quite, im getting used of the interview portion. I hate male interviewers,they're soo hard to read unlike to female ones, you can easily distinguished if they like you or not. I had a time to chat with the other applicants. Almost everybody has their own degrees, HRM or TOURISM + work experiences. As usual I felt dissapointed for my background, but i know in myself that i have the willingness so i can do it even better than them. We're all surprised when the hr staff told us that she doesn't accept applicants whose HEIGHT is below 5'4, regardless the education and working backgrounds, even the pleasing personality. OMG! only two of us 14applicants were able to meet the HEIGHT requirement. POtek! After  almost 2hour standing there, I wasnt able man lang to show them what ive got. ERRR! It'll be much better for me to fail the interview portion than to just fail the HEIGHT REQUIREMENT, gosh 1 INCH lang un.....im standing 5'3 lang eh, i even wear 3inches heels, just to make my HEIGHT higher(buwis paa na nga), It can be excused sana eh cause i looked tall, but in my resume I was just 5'3 lang. So it all ended up NOTHING!
But i never regret, it was already an experience for me, i just really want that hotel to work with,it was my first time to see that place and based on what ive scene, im totally inlove with it:))
I wasnt able to took a picture, my bad, I was just really excited and dissapointed the whole time and forget to capture any moment of it:))


Since today, I do believed already that Friday the 13th has its both luck, it could be bad or good:) and this is for the first time, ive got the bad one:)
As far as i know, TODAY i did my best, but it never work out how i wanted to be, sooooo its not working according to my plan but instead on GOD's plan:)))


#positive and faith lang:)

aikatz:)

shit happens

:( sad . I never ever thought that it would happened to me. MISERABLE! After resigning @mf ive planned everything, but unfortunately NOTHING happens until now. Did I made a wrong decision? Perhaps i would say YES, cause im sooo NOTHING right now.But somehow NO, coz it made me understand what life means to me. I hate this weird feeling inside of me....

               I never ever imagine talaga that this day would come, hating him, my very own father. He never ever knew what am I feeling right. The fact that ive followed every single word and "pangarals" that he had thrown on me. And suddenly he'll just say "those words" nalang. It really broke my heart, and he doesnt know about it, That he hurted my feelings too much. I know sometimes i was the the wrong one, sometimes i did things that i shouldnt have done. But that's not an excuse for him to always push on my mind the mistakes ive done. Once is enough. I did it, I realized it, I was wrong, lets move on. Lets not mention it every now and then. He doesnt trust me at all, eventhough he says he does. I know, im too spontaneous, i do things that i should not do, but believe me or not, i know what im doing, that they(my mom and dad) were always on mind no matter where i am. I respected Him alot and he fails to be believe on that! Basta there were certain points bout him thats hard to understand. But in the end of a day, your my father:) I love you soo much and you love me also, i know, that's why your like that, your just concern on me. Everything that i do is for us, nothing more, nothing less. You shouldnt worry that much on me. KAYA KO SELF KO:)  I always hope and pray that we'll gonna be okay:)) FYI, its the first father's day that ive never greated you:( sorry im not that brave enough to open and say this to you PERSONALLY:(

                    2months and 28 days to be exactly UNEMPLOYED.. lol. honestly i never ever imagine that ill be unemployed this much longer. Thats makes me feel bad. As I've said a while ago, I've planned everything before resigning @mf. Here it is, my plan:

             Plans #3 and #4, I havent done it yet. Why? I just cant believe that INTERLINK Agency just disregarded me, and until now, im still hoping that they'll gonna endorse me. I had my training there, in housekeeping and F and B, I think ive done it all great. Actually they've called me once, but i wasnt able to reach that call for some reason. It really hurts to know that i put much efforts on them(sigh) major efforts. :( They never ever let me show them what ive got, it bugs me alot. For me that's not fair... On the other hand, PMS Agency was much better. They endorse me agad agad in a hotel, in Labreza Condotel somewhere in Q.C. As far as I know I did my best shot there, From the clothes I wore up to the interview portion, the general manager interviewed me, we talked for about 30-40 minutes, so I think im impressing him, but i was not, when he told me that he'll gonna call me for the next step of the interview, i already knew that i didnt make it. :( After a week, I went exactly @pier 15 again and passed my resume @2go Travel for the 3rd time, Im doing it yearly since 2010. I even passed my resumes via net on the respectfull hotel companies that ive known and researched on. Guess what? NO LUCK! See I made plans but its always bound to fail.

                 My motto is "try and try until you succeed, i know it works, but there are times talaga that your tired. It came to the point that i just dont want to work, dont what to go out, i started thinking"Is this what i really want to pursue?", I dont care about everything. Totally, im stress out!! It led me to dissapointment and worst i even say these "what's the point of the dreams that i have if in the end I'll just die, whats the point of living so long if i can just die now,". So disgusting and pointless words just came onto my mouth. Honestly, I just slept and cried for 3consecutive days, never talked to anybody else, even my family. I never knew that it could happen till it happened to me. Everybody knows that im funny, happy and very positive person. I dont even know myself, who i am. It was the darkest point I guess. Until, i started on praying hard, every now and then. Actually im not a SUPER religious type, im not that active in going to church every Sundays,I just rarely go to Quiapo church, whenever i need/want something., im not reading the Bible, I just believe that God really exsist, that's it. Ive never prayed that much hard since last year, when i started working @mf until now. And definetely, It was the answer to everything, from then, I realized He's worth, He's everything to me and I felt really bad on myself. That He needs to do this bullshit things just for me to remember Him, Honestly, if I didnt suffer failure ive never ever called Him, Ive never asked for Him, Ive never realized fault. He's the answer:)) God really works:)) In just a snap, im back on my own, im not even stress anymore, NO WORRIES at all. Thanks to Him:))

Also , Ive learned alot within that almost 3 months of my life. Now, i know which are my priorities and which are not:) Friends? I have almost 500+ friends on facebook and more than that on my daily basis, but now, Ive known that friends are just friends, They're all maybe there when everythings okay, but when its not, very few or the true ones are still there. Its just funny to know that the ones ive expected to be with me on my pains, where the ones whos not around, and the ones ive never thought, would be the ones to be on your side:) how ironic:) Life isnt about material things that we have or were going to have, its about learning and discovering things that would make you believe that living in this Earth is worth it. HAPPINESS matters MOST. Ive also known the value of every little or big thing that I have now, APPRECIATION. Being true to myself MORE:) and to do what it takes to be on the TOP:) afterall, itsmyLIFEmyCHOICE....

NOW I KNOW:) Thanks to you GOD:) 

aikatz:)

  

flashbackssss!!

[*i wrote it about a year ago.. nakakatuwa naman, mai mga gntong level pla ku:)) shareness lang, walei aku ibang mapost eh:p]

hay! isa nanmang araw! i dont know why, but since i woke up i felt sad! i saw my mom and dad having breakfast outside. my siblings was then sleeping! it was around 8 in the morning! it was a peaceful day! i dont feel hungry so after i was my face, brush my teeth! i went on our little terrice! terrice pangmahirap! tiningnan ku ung two love birds namen, check if they had still food! then i look for the other one! inuga ku ung cage nila! aun she went out of there mini room! fly close to me, sumunod ung partner nia, then they kiss! hay! how sweet naman! un ung naisip ku! (haha baliw?) uhm i remember, d pla mabubuhay ang love birds pag isa lang! kelangan pakners lagi sila! uhm no one's an island nga naman! hay! i looked outside! nakita ku ang view ng dikit dikit na bahay. d naman kame rich para sa subdivision or village tumira nu! ang ganda ng sikat ng araw! sa tapat ng bahay namen ay may 3rdfloor na bahay! sa kanan ay may munting barong barong at sa kaliwa ay 3rdfloor din. tabi kame ng kalsada pero d ng main road. the end part of our street is a flood control! dba i live in pasig! tabi ng ilog! madalas ang baha-thats how they describe it! hay! pero infairness, we almost lived here for 4 years, parang kelan lang! as i looked around, i remember those times that i was in cebu, my mornings there, how i look like. i remember! as i woke up, i checheck ku agad ang fone ku! if somebody in manila has texted me, pag meron, un i was so supah happy! i mean, kahit na single goodmorning lang ang message basta i know that that text was from manila pa, hay! napakahappy na tlga! that's how much i'd missed manila that time! syempre maghihilamos,toothbrush, as much as possible magawa ku un before i talked to somebody else there. one thing ruins my morning, that's when the passenger were still on our ship, wherein ang ingay, ang gulo, at nagkakalat sila! that really annoys me alot! panu ba naman, 2am nagaarive ung ship sa cebu then 7-8 in the morning andun pa sila sa barko. gosh! sometimes i think nga e to make some rules that whenever the ships has arrived to the port they must leave immediately! kxo masayado namang selfish!! hehe! then, after i did my grooming, aun i will look onto the sea, look as the sun rise, (shit! ang ganda ganda ng view, aun ang isa sa mga namimiss ku tlga) and then saka aku magcocount down how many days before i go home. then, after magilusyon, i have to do the daily chore and that was to sweep the floor, the whole deck a, pero minsan lang un kxe sometimes dalawa kame ni rose na nagswesweep dun e. walang agahan, haha! honestly we have, but i dont know if you can call it as a food! nakafixed na kxe ung food dun. NFA and kanin, agahan e tinowa(tinola in manila) ok lang sana kung chicken e, pero isda!isda! isda!! hay! sa tanghali ay fried! but its not chicken pdin! isda! isda! isda! hay! sa hapunan ay paksiw, at syempre isda un! un ang naging food ku for six months! hay! even myself i cant believe that i used to do that! gosh! i always asks my crewmates nga if i had some scales na e for we always eat fish. hay! good part of it was my parents always sends me allowance kea aun, pagbagung reload ang wallet, masarap ang pagkain! were so glutton there. i mean everytime we went outside the port, we always want to eat all foods that we see. kea nga big part of our allowances goes to food e! uhm kung ganu kabad trip pag sa cebu kame nagaarive e syang saya pag sa leyte kame. monday, wednesday and friday lang kame sa cebu, the rest nasa leyte kame, kea lamang pdin and happiness! hmm, you'll probably curious why did i say that. mas marame kaseng benifit ang pagdaong sa leyte! first, pagarrive namen dun ng 2am, bumababa agad lahat! as in lahat ng mga passenger + kasabay namen dumaong dun ang roble(shipping lines din)e mai mga career aku dun + the view is so awsome + mas mai possibility na masarap ang ulam, basta favorite ku tlga ang tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday! haha! excited sa mga days na un xe im the one who's assigned for the announcing before leaving the port! i'd love hearing my voice all over the ship even the outside part when i did the deckhands announcements! haha! i remembered the first time i did it, i was mortified, i had a wrong word! and the passengers noticed it! hay! nobody's perfect nga naman! but as i practice aun, nakuha ku ung da best way to do it! hay! nagising aku sa pagkatulala at pagdaydream ku ng mai tumawag sa napakaganda kung pangalan mula sa ibaba ng terrice, napatingin aku, si "hi aiah" pala un. i dont know what's his name e! pagnanakakasalubong ku kse siya sa daan, "hi aiah" ang lagi niang sinasabe kea un ang tawag ku sa kanya. at walang kaabug abog sinabe nanman nia ang "hi aiah" haha! natawa tlga aku! hay! buti nlang mai mga taong ganun! napapasaya nila aku, even for a while! nawala na aku sa focus ng pagrereminise, hay! i really feel sad today! bket kea? habang nagiisip, napatingin aku sa mga batang naglalaro ng 10-20 sa harapan ng bahay namen, muli ay naalala ku ang aking kabataan, ung mga panahon na pagkagising ku ay d man lang naghihilamos o agahan ay deretso na sa labas kasama ang gomang pinagdikit dikit paramakagawa ng mahabang tali para gawing 10-20 at saka pupunta sa bakanteng lote sa tabi ng bahai namen, sa luoban kame nakatira nung ako'y bata pa at tanging isang bakanteng lote lang ang tambayan ng lahat ng mga kabataan sa lugar namen kaya dun aku dimederetso. araw araw ay ganun ang eksena sa buhay ku all those times until one day, binakuran na ang bakanteng lote and they dont allow the children to play in there anymore, nagalit ang mai ari cause of the garbages we throw there. lahat kme felt sad about it. wula na ang playground namen. wula na! hinding hindi ku makakalimutan ang araw na yon. maswerte padin ang mga batang to, nasabi ku sa saril ku habang pinanunuod sila, kxe dito sa street namen ngaun e mai space tlga na pinaglaanan para sa mga bata! nangawit aku sa kakatayo kaya i decided to go downstairs na! mejo nagugutom ndin aku e at gusto kung sumabay kila mama at papa! pagbaba ku ay i look for my cell phone then see if somebody has texted me, 3missed calls from **h*! hay! napadeep breath aku! hindi pa din nia ku tinatantanan, 1 msg from unknown contact. then, i went outside, nakita ku sla mamzie at papzie having their convo, walang kaabug abug nakisali aku, napakasarap ng feeling ng mai parents. i mean uo alam ku lahat naman tau mai parents e. pero iba ung kasama mu silang mabuhay, nakasuporta sau at ginaguide ka thoughout your life. somehow i feel happy as i looked at them, napakaswerte ku pla, i said to myself. kahit d man kame mayaman, walang magagarang sasakyan at bahai pero kumpleto ang pamilya ku. madame sa aking mga kaibigan ay broken family o d naman kea ay wula ang magulang dahil nagtatrabaho sa ibang bansa o inabandona na. im soo soo much lucky. my parents was able to give what i need and some of my whats. and i think i should be contented on what i have! alam ku na madami din akung faults sa kanila, isa dito ung inaway ku sila nung d nila aku pinayagan sa swimming namen sa cavite. hindi kame nagpansinan for about a week, after school and ojt i go bed agad! sometimes i really dont eat dinner until napuno na siguro si mama at aun she confronted me. aun! nagsalubong ang mga galet! i really felt bad din kxe that time. d nila aku pinayagan e first time ku magpaalam ng mga gnung outing. i study hard din naman nun. kea tlgang grabe ung moment na un. i supah dupah like to go on that outin! as in! aun! aku padin ang nagsoorrry sa kanila then, they forgive me ofcourse. and ang hindi nila alam tumuloy aku sa outing! haha! i just pretend that i was sleeping kila rose. haha! im such a badgirl! pero super dupah nagsisi din aku nun! and in the end i tell the truth din sa kanila! hay! napatingin aku kai mama when she called me! then all of a sudden i realized na kung baket aku sad today!! its because di na ku pumasok sa first work ku! but they bid me its okay!!!!!!!!!

promise ng UNEMPLOYED!!

ive been unemployed for one month and 19days to be exactly. its not easy though. yea it feels good to be home, you can do watevs you want to;watch, eat, sleep, go surf the net all day long:) but there are some points that you'll get bored and you miss working and of course earning money on your own:) i never thought that i'll be unemployed this long, i thought i can find another job to work on easily, but somehow i was wrong, totally. im planning on working on a hotel, any kind, as a room attendant(that's my goal right now) i just need some experience. but for now, as being unemployed, i promise:

*not to spend money- of course i will, dont have choice

*avoid gala- basically its conected with the first promise:) also i want to focuse on finding a job, but though i can still, but not that much

*avoid too much gimicks- yea! im practicing that eversince, not just now that im unemployed, but thoroughly.

*ill read read read- in other words i'll study, being fluent in english must be.

*help the household chores- yea!im doing it, but sometimes im too lazy to move that i havent done anything for one whole day. amsorry:*

*minimize fb maximize blogging- haha! like:)

*minimize flirting- yes i am, the last time i only had one and now nothing:)) totally nothing:)) promise i'll behave. trust me

last but not the least:
*strive strike struck- make efforts, do your best and aim for a new job!!!!!!!!



#ehwulangmagawaeh

aikatz:))
 

ms. NO COMMITMENT please

i never had any serious relationship with a guy since birth. yes, i do fall in love, but most of the time, in the wrong one. im not a man hater nor a bitter girl. i just think love is very much cruel to me. primary and secondary year for me was hard. as a girl i always dreamed of having my own boyfriend, but it didnt came, i used to like and love several boys from school but they rejected me. nobody appreciates me, and if there's anybody would, i just dont liked them back. i guess that's my problem that time. all through those years, ive tried so hard to have a boy, whom i can finally call mine. maybe im too much pihikan din coz im always looking for the perfect one, i never thought that time that mr. perfect wasnt exsisting. haha. i used to believe in a happily ever after story, perfect love story. that's me before..... i never wanted to study after high school, all i want is to work immediately, my mom just insisted. i told her i dont what to study a 4years course. until i found a course in pmi whose only for one year, plus the fact that i know there'll be lots of boys there and hopefully met my mr. perfect there, i choosed PMI. but it didnt helped me find mr. perfect, instead from there i started to switch my perspectives bout guys. ive been studying with them, and they taught me 101 reasons why should i hate them. from there i realized how bad they were, how cheaters were they. i know its too bad for me to include all the guys to be like them, but believe me or not, i never ever found a real man in my life right now, ever. i havent seen a perfect guy!!

*top reasons why i hate committment

#1 reason why i hate comittement, im scared to love a guy. days and weeks and months and year passby, i learned to play their games. at first its strange, but as soon as i get used with it, ive got along with it. you cant never put away the assurance when im flirting a guy, i dont just flirt. somehow im looking forward with them, knowing that they'll be different, but in the end of the day, they werent. until now, that's how its used to be. i never search for love, it just strikes me, whether i like it or not. but when i think its not worth it, i never pushes myself with it. i know when to hold on and not to. having no commitment is risky sometimes, lalo na when youre really having fun then suddenly he would just taken you for granted.
its hard for me to trust a guy.....

#2 reason why id stay single, i have a dream, and i dont want to be distracted by a relationship. yea i know it can be an inspiration on both of you, but it can also be a distraction. i want to focus on my goal, that's it..that's my priority.      
#3 maybe i really dont know how to love for real!!lol(teach me how to love) honestly!!!!

#4 im too much COMPLICATED:/


ill share this poem ba to or something like a saying, i found it on my idol's blog. actually she doesnt know that i reposted it.. i just like the thought coz it perfectly suits me:

Ayoko magcommit.
Gusto ko ganito lang.
Walang away.
Walang nagkokontrol,
Walang responsibilidad,
Walang naiiwan sa ere.
Pwede ka umalis kahit kelan mo gusto,
Pwede ka sumama kahit kanino,
Pwede kang kumawala pag hindi ka pa sigurado,
Pwede kang mang-iwan pag nakahanap ka na ng bago.
Higit sa lahat, walang naloloko, walang nasasaktan,
Wala namang karapatan e.
Ang importante masaya ko,
Single pero alam mong may nagmamahal sayo.
May limitasyon pero ako pa rin yung totoong ako.
Okay na ko sa ganito,
Kasi alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi pa ko handa ulit magseryoso.

Hinihintay ko pa yung katapat ko para mabago tong pananaw na to.

i was also surprised to see this note of mine, maybe i made this a year ago, promise i never thought that i wrote this..33guys in 6mos :P


aikatz:))

VIRGIN pa nga! as of "05-05-12"

sila: virgin ka pa ba aiah?
me: uo naman nu!!:)
sila: weeehhh? san banda?

hahah! im soo get used with that convo? why they dont just believe. even you, right? watevs. believe it or not, i am still VIRGIN:) i am 20 now, and its my choice to stay virgin.

ive been through lots of situation na muntik na makuha saken yan. but the most memorable was this guy we'll call aj. i use to like him for fun until it became real, as in. i had a huge crush on him. im always looking forward to see him.i was 18 by that time and so he was. were both having our onboard ojt @ cebu, but not with the same shipping company. were seeing each other 4times a week. and for those 3 days na di ku siya nakikita, naloloka ku, i must say, patay na patay na talga ku sa kanya. moreno, suplado, gwapo, isnabero, pachoosy, pak.. kaya he totally got my attention. anadae ku fling that time, pero he's different.there's something with him and he challenged me alot. i stalked him for God's sake, just to know more of him. until we became friends but he seemed too awkward with me, he's not interested with me either. wala as in walei. wa epek lahat ng effort ku teh! pachoosy talga ang lolo mo. i decided to stop all of this kabaliwan nung nagfeeling na siya, basta. nayamot talaga ku sa kanya. he had taken me for granted. i even promised to myself that ill never make papansin to him, i dont even texted him. i then became busy with other flings, until one night, he called me, i was with somebody else that time, but since i saw his name on my phone, and he's calling, i made some alibis just to attend on his call, somehow he's still special for me, i realized that time. we talked, i almost forgot what we'd talked about that night but since then, we remained bonded through our phones. it was december 2010. it was a busy month for all of us, passengers month, also im too much excited that time coz ill go back home(in manila) before that year ends. until xmas eve had come. i never expected it would happened. since that was the first xmas eve without me in my home with my own family, i really felt sad, eventhough we had a company xmas party, its different, its strange. he invited me to be with him, to celebrate our first date, our first xmas without home, somehow, it did felt good to be with him,i was drank and wasted but i trusted him very much:( i do love him:( and when he did kiss me, i cant do nothing but to resist the moment. sabe ku pa nun sa isip ku: "shet, aiah, eto na yung matagal mu ng hinitay, alam ku mali tong nangyayare, pero yaan mu na! kiss lang naman to pti last na to, paramis!!"(ang naughty ku talga). haha. everythings fine na nga sana eh, pero potek pagdilat ku may camera ampota!! they're taking video of me and him kissing! and worst is that aj knows everything bout it all the time! f*uck right? kahit sobrang basag aku that time, i still had a chance to have that phone and delete that f*cking video. we all decided to end that party. but aj didnt stop then, while others approached to the ship to have some rest, both of us walked through the street and we eneded up hanging @the "bayan". we talked from there, i really felt dizzy,(d ba nga makulet aku pag lasing) but i know exactly whats happening. masyado akung nadissapoint kay aj!!! sobra.. i love him for real that time but he just loves me for lust. i know he wants to did the deed! but still i trust him:( he wants us to check in a motel. i never did say yes, but he then decided on his own that were going. i insisted on myself that he''ll not gonna do this to me, he's different from other guys, i prayed so hard! for the very first time of my life i entered in a motel, from then, i still believe on myself that he'll not gonna do this to me, he'll respect me coz i love him, but i was wrong, he's just after for the pleasure. yea, he tells me that he loves me then, but i know its not true... yea? your curious if something had happened right? haha! believe it our not,yea there's something, but not that much. dba virgin pa nga ku! honestly! im so thankfull din coz i got my "." that time, i think its too gross to have my first sex while i have my "." right? tska buo talaga ung mind ku na ayaw ku talaga!! i have to be wise and play smart! and honestly d naman talaga kame!!!! kame kamehan lang!! i remember umiyak pa nga ku nun eh!! nagmamakaawa! chos! haha! being on that scene was drastic! i dont have any regrets naman bout that! exprience nadin un, lahat ng mga pangyayari that night ginusto ku din naman, aku at aku ang nagpunta sa sarili ku sa ganung situation. its my choice! but i had to play it really wise!!! i leave him alone on that room, get some money from his wallet(haler! fone and lighter lang dala ku that time, kinailangan ku ng money for my transpo pabalik sa barko only to found out na walei naman din pla ku masasakyan:/) and leave him a note. nakakatawa nga kxe ung note na sinasabe ku, anggang ngaun daw nasa wallet pa nia, he told me when we had a chance to talk to each other via phonepatch, a couple of months ago. we talked to each other bago ku bumalik here in manila, and all i want that time is to hurt him, gusto ku siya sampalin, suntukin, basta naasar talaga ku bout what had happened. pero nung nakita ku siya, wala, nawala lahat ng yamot ku sa kanya. as in , i just stared at him, pero sya parang wala lng. halatang halata na apektado aku. that was the last time we saw each other...

im supposed to tell something bout me being virgin right? bat parang naging story na to ni aj? hmmm.. as ive said a while ago, being virgin is my choice. i can flirt as much as i wanted to, but when it comes to sex, to me its different thing. call me primative, conservative(hmm.. not really!), old fashioned, etchusera, or anything.  kahit na andae at sobrang daming tukso sa paligid, i'd rather choose to be virgin until i marry my man, im not making a promise nor a statement, thats IF i have to choose, i dunno whats gonna happen tomorrow, the next month, next year, i might get crazy out of love, we dunno right? im just telling my perspective when it comes to SEX. and im still hoping it'll come true:))

sometimes, nacucurios din naman aku....          

honestly, im soo curious how it feels on the very first time, uo they say it hurts alot, pero nakakacurious talaga. ive watched porn movies and videos din naman sometimes(lalo na ung mga famous scandals) + i know some sex stories of my friends + ive already had a chance to watch a liveshow + i know more and more facts about sex, pero iba parin talaga pag ikaw na ung gumagawa, and that's why im sooo curious bout it.... haha wala lng.. curious much lng talaga promise:)


 
survey lang:)
what age did you have your first kiss?
-18:)
with whom?
-top secret! nakakahiya eh
was he your bf?
-yea he was:)
what was it feels like?
-nothing! as in. no spark at all.
do you love him?
-absolutely NO!
what would you choose smack or torrid?
-of course torrid:)
do you love to kiss?
-yes! i do, i love to kiss:*
hug or kiss?
-can i have both?
do u kiss on first date?
-hmm.. not actually, but ive tried once:/ and its a major TURN OFF!!!!!
are you hanging out with a guy right now?
-no im not! too busy looking for a job:(
last date you had?
-last 3mos na ata, 2consecutive dates was postponed! out of interest with me:(
lights ON or OFF?
-OFF:/
what's your favorite sex position?
-haha. i never tried any, but i think helicopter sounds great!! haha:)
what is SEX?
-for me, sex? uhm (think for30secs.) way of expressing your love? haha! kalibugan:p
message to the virgins out there:
-haler! virgin or not, its our choice:)) so let it be!! horaay!


aikatz:))