OCTOBER 05, 2012 "gosh october na!!!"
01:24am and still awake...TGIF anyway! :)


What should I say? As I wrote on my "to do list" this month, I would write more blog entries...

oha! well, why should i? uhm simply coz I know and believe the next months for me will be busy busy + i feel more stress and I think blogging will somehow ease some of it!

uhmmm.. dah! I dont know what to say! Im f*cking speechless!...... okay! Lets start with why did I say Im stress??? Yah I know I always consider myself stress! But basically right now is more stressful than the other times, haha! may masabe lang?! I'll give you pointers-

#1 my career!
I dont know why Im so so so soooo much bother bout it, I had a little bit agony and somehow it kills me to the bones! How did it happened? I mean, before I was a total normal one, I dont care bout future, but now, its everything... If I fail, there's no point of living!Screw me for being sooo OA but that's definetely true. That's my point of view right now. SOS anyone?! At some point its good, I have the what you called "FOCUS", but sometimes it mades me so rude, as if everything's a competion for me that I have to win coz if I lose I might commite suicide!(ok, that one  i think its OA haha) Like now, Ive been waiting for that Makati Shang for my ojt/training for almost 2weeks, it bothers me alot that until now they've never communicate with me bout it and waiting is just a hard thing for me to do. Maybe because Im just here inside our house watch as time goes by and by and by and by....but despite of that, I still have 2things that's left behind and what makes me worth the waiting, FAITH + PATIENCE! :) still targeting CRUISESHIP baby!!! that's for sure! soooo wishmeluck!


#2 my family
okay! honestly I dont what to elaborate more on it, its NOT just because im ashamed of, its just I dont want to talk bout it coz it mades me sad. basta were on the rocks but I know and believe it'll be settled on the right time! We just need time to heal, to think, to accept and forgive each one of us...


#3 that guy! I fall on a wrong guy again!
okay! This one, I want to elaborate! haha
Who's this guy im talking with? Robert Belo! haha... Do I really have to type his full name? uhm Ofcourse I have! I love him!!! ILOVEHIM for Christ sake! And now im sooo having a hard time forgeting him, not exactly him coz I know I would never ever forget this guy, but im talking bout my feelings for him, its so hard to forget! Okay I know I never talk bout him on my previous blog entries, and I think I should now express what I really feel...He made a huge impact on me and I dont know why????!!

okay! It all started last MAy 12, 2012. Credits on my journal I have dates and proofs haha!

haha! As I try to remember this day it was full of energy, as in swear, We(Mami and I) went stroll @cubao. I dunno why but I felt like somethings gonna happen, and there it goes, I met him thru mami(beth), her classmate, they're realtives pa ata. But when I first saw this guy, I felt nothing, okay! He caught me for a while, goodlooking eh, but soon as I asked mami who's that guy, she told me he has a girlfriend and so I stop asking, I know Im a flirt but Im not a relationship wrecker + mami told me he's a police, haha alam na! tsk! BTW, we met accidentally!! or by fate??? haha


After almost 3mos, August 01,2012, I will never ever forget that day. I was @lrt line one, it was afternoon and Im soooo not on my best mood, I asked myself "Give me reason/s why should i be happy today oh God?" Then just after a couple of minutes my fone rang! when I check on it, Ive got 1missed call from an unknown #, I didnt mind it. After a while it rang again, Ive got 5msgs. 3 from that unknown # and 2 from mami. There you have it, mami gave my # to him. At first I never replied since im tired of flinging and flinging that time. I was like,"hay! lalake nanman! im sooo tired of this thing, gusto ku career naman!". But until I got home there's something that mades me want to reply on this guy. Until I replied and that's the start! I dont know why but we started perfectly, as if we knew each other very much. I can tell everything on him, my career, my family even the smallest details of my life. We went very well that made me believe that his really different and far from the others. Before ive got M.U's, flings but he offered to court me seriously "daw". I told him we can be magON instantly, but im not serious since im soo used with this stat, but he refuses he says he want us to be together seriously "daw". And I was wondering why? Days and weeks passed, this guy makes my life exciting. Just when he came into my life, career opportunities came in also and so I always called him lucky charm. All those times I know in myself that Im not inlove with him, yes interested much but still NOT love. We talked via text or call everyday.

He sets dates wherein we can meet and bond with each other but it always fails to happen simply because i dont want to. I never thought that I would end up meeting him, maybe I was a bit curious nadin bout him + i know this guy is something sooo finally we met last AUGUST 27,2012 and we're officially together! Actually a night before that day I already told him that were ON starting that next day. I was really happy that day! best date ever as of now, i must say! But still I never thought I love him, Im just having fun, that's it. I never care for  my true feelings for him then.

After the date, we communicate more, and I like it. After almost 2 years Im in a serious relationship stat again. I promised him I'll be serious, really serious bout him, deeply serious. I make believe myself that he's feeling the same way! A week ago, it was changed! I dunno why he just ly-low, as in, less phone puch and text, it came to the point that we start fighting for his doings and he start not to text me anymore! The fuck! I dont know why! Its much okay if he confronted and said straightly on me that he doesnt want "us" anymore, that he had enough. But I got nothing, he just vanished without saying anything! At first I was like "shet! anyun? ganun ganunan nlang? okay if that's what he wants!" but as days passed and still I got no text from him, I start worrying and feeling the pain of what he did. He just hang me up in the air! That's the point I told myself "potek! mahal na pala kita Robert! sheeeeet ambobo ko"....He never text me talga, I think for 5consecutive days, as in no reply! Until that one Sunday afternoon I was @Quiapo, praying and ask sign from God if I should start forgeting him, right after my prayer, I had a msg from him! God gave me the sign instantly, but @ first I didnt accepted it in a blink, it count 3days before I cant help but to answer again his calls, from then, I start asking him why why why he did that. His reasons were soooo rude, it doesnt make sense, but since I love him I had no choice but to be "tanga". We still continue what we had, but were not what we're before. I miss so hard the "us before". We communicate less, just when he wants to. Until finally I decided to cut it off! I texted him! It was last september 21, 2012, 6days before our first monthsary! I never thought that it'll end like this!

I thought we'll make it longer, stronger and seriously but anything of that didnt happen. Just the other day, he try to text and call me again and acting like nothing wrong had happened, like I never texted him that Im giving up. And it took alot of encouragement for me NOT to reply or even answer his phone calls! I really need to be "focus" and NOT tanga! Yes I know its hard coz I love him super duper as in bonggang bongga! Its really hard to let him go just when I really dont like to, but I have to do this, hanggat kaya ku pa sya ilet go, Ayoko dumating sa point na walei na kung magagawa kundi pakatanga nalng skanya ever! I have to accept the fact that he's just another sh*t guy who just broke my heart again, that he's NOT different from those past guys I had! and still I fall on the wrong guy:(

talking bout moving ON!! that's life!

For you Rob!
Still its a big question for me why biglang naging ganyan ka? Dba I always tell you okay lang saken kahit iwanan mu ku anytime, you just have to tell it to me straightly. Not like this, youre just trying to make me feel okay tau pero hindi, hinding hindi alam mu yan! Nahurt aku swear! Pinaglaban kita kay mama na iba ka sa lahat, pero ngaun wala aku masabe mas tama padin pla si mama. Akala ku kaya ku makipagsabayan sa trip mu, hindi pla coz the more i stay the more it hurts. Sana from the very beginning sinabe mu sken na ganto gusto mung set up edi sana I dont make believe myself na serious us. Unfair ka! super! Aku sinasabe ku lahat lhat ng nasa isip ku bout sau pero ikaw hindi. Well kahit ganto ending natin, I thank you for teaching me to be more mature! Siguro sobrng immature ku date but now I know what's my priority and not. Andae at sobrang dae mung advice saken na sobrang tama at nagsink-in sakin ng bongga! Sa family ku, that I have to follow my parents, they still know what's best for me. Sa mga ginagawa ku like, panget sa gurl umiinom pati nagiismoke. Andae ng nagsabe sken nun pero nung ikaw na nagsabe nun dun ku lang narealized na tama pla un. haha walang halong biro. Pati ung pagsasalita ku ng bad words, ung EPAL, fuck, shit... Im starting to live without those words :) tnx! And sabe mu ang love di un hinahanap kxe kusang dumadating un, dati I dont believe in that but now i know its soooo super true. kxe katulad mu kusang dumating lang sa buhay ku kahit di ku naman hinahanap at inaasahan. eww ang corny much ku nu pero everything ng sinabe ku dito super true! lahat naman ng sinasabe ku totoo eh! Im regreting one thing, sana pala di nalang kita sinagot, kase mas masaya ung date eh, nung di pa tau, enjoy lang... un ung sobrang namimiss ku. pramis i super duper love u right now! and that's why I decided to cut this off. hanggat kaya ko pa! Sorry if I fail to talk to you thru fone,pinramis ku kxe un, im not gonna teks u anymore not until I forgotten my feelings for u, di naman kita kakalimutan, its just too way impossible, part kna ng life ku, ung feelings ku lang sau ung kakalimutan ku. Im not mad at you swear I just dont need to talk to you right now, give me atleast two months and promise we can be friends again if you still want to. Basta di aku bitter ah. Ikaw, baka ayaw mu na ku makita/makausap for life, haha decision mu yan, basta im telling everything what's on my mind. Its not drama or what. Dapat di na talga aku magoopen sau pero naisip ku pangit din not to elaborate you all of this afterall isa ka sa mga truly sineryoso ku. :) okay! ive said alot. goodluck on us! may you find the right girl for you, i'll pray for that:) tnx for everything! you're still a blessing for me. Godbless! :)   

 
I sent it in his fb account, so he'll probably read it surely! After writing that, I feel much more better! *sighs And so I promise this OCTOBER will be a behave month for me, Ill never look, hunt, search and need love:)
I have some topics and postings to be discuss but since this "love" issues of mine had blown me out that I felt tired and I think I need and deserve some rest. I'll just continue this when I got time(of course I do have lots of time, Im unemployed, not busy!) I mean when I get my mood again i'll discuss those! haha

nightie!!!

aikatz!
#moving oN :)