I never ever imagine talaga that this day would come, hating him, my very own father. He never ever knew what am I feeling right. The fact that ive followed every single word and "pangarals" that he had thrown on me. And suddenly he'll just say "those words" nalang. It really broke my heart, and he doesnt know about it, That he hurted my feelings too much. I know sometimes i was the the wrong one, sometimes i did things that i shouldnt have done. But that's not an excuse for him to always push on my mind the mistakes ive done. Once is enough. I did it, I realized it, I was wrong, lets move on. Lets not mention it every now and then. He doesnt trust me at all, eventhough he says he does. I know, im too spontaneous, i do things that i should not do, but believe me or not, i know what im doing, that they(my mom and dad) were always on mind no matter where i am. I respected Him alot and he fails to be believe on that! Basta there were certain points bout him thats hard to understand. But in the end of a day, your my father:) I love you soo much and you love me also, i know, that's why your like that, your just concern on me. Everything that i do is for us, nothing more, nothing less. You shouldnt worry that much on me. KAYA KO SELF KO:) I always hope and pray that we'll gonna be okay:)) FYI, its the first father's day that ive never greated you:( sorry im not that brave enough to open and say this to you PERSONALLY:(
2months and 28 days to be exactly UNEMPLOYED.. lol. honestly i never ever imagine that ill be unemployed this much longer. Thats makes me feel bad. As I've said a while ago, I've planned everything before resigning @mf. Here it is, my plan:
Plans #3 and #4, I havent done it yet. Why? I just cant believe that INTERLINK Agency just disregarded me, and until now, im still hoping that they'll gonna endorse me. I had my training there, in housekeeping and F and B, I think ive done it all great. Actually they've called me once, but i wasnt able to reach that call for some reason. It really hurts to know that i put much efforts on them(sigh) major efforts. :( They never ever let me show them what ive got, it bugs me alot. For me that's not fair... On the other hand, PMS Agency was much better. They endorse me agad agad in a hotel, in Labreza Condotel somewhere in Q.C. As far as I know I did my best shot there, From the clothes I wore up to the interview portion, the general manager interviewed me, we talked for about 30-40 minutes, so I think im impressing him, but i was not, when he told me that he'll gonna call me for the next step of the interview, i already knew that i didnt make it. :( After a week, I went exactly @pier 15 again and passed my resume @2go Travel for the 3rd time, Im doing it yearly since 2010. I even passed my resumes via net on the respectfull hotel companies that ive known and researched on. Guess what? NO LUCK! See I made plans but its always bound to fail.
My motto is "try and try until you succeed, i know it works, but there are times talaga that your tired. It came to the point that i just dont want to work, dont what to go out, i started thinking"Is this what i really want to pursue?", I dont care about everything. Totally, im stress out!! It led me to dissapointment and worst i even say these "what's the point of the dreams that i have if in the end I'll just die, whats the point of living so long if i can just die now,". So disgusting and pointless words just came onto my mouth. Honestly, I just slept and cried for 3consecutive days, never talked to anybody else, even my family. I never knew that it could happen till it happened to me. Everybody knows that im funny, happy and very positive person. I dont even know myself, who i am. It was the darkest point I guess. Until, i started on praying hard, every now and then. Actually im not a SUPER religious type, im not that active in going to church every Sundays,I just rarely go to Quiapo church, whenever i need/want something., im not reading the Bible, I just believe that God really exsist, that's it. Ive never prayed that much hard since last year, when i started working @mf until now. And definetely, It was the answer to everything, from then, I realized He's worth, He's everything to me and I felt really bad on myself. That He needs to do this bullshit things just for me to remember Him, Honestly, if I didnt suffer failure ive never ever called Him, Ive never asked for Him, Ive never realized fault. He's the answer:)) God really works:)) In just a snap, im back on my own, im not even stress anymore, NO WORRIES at all. Thanks to Him:))
Also , Ive learned alot within that almost 3 months of my life. Now, i know which are my priorities and which are not:) Friends? I have almost 500+ friends on facebook and more than that on my daily basis, but now, Ive known that friends are just friends, They're all maybe there when everythings okay, but when its not, very few or the true ones are still there. Its just funny to know that the ones ive expected to be with me on my pains, where the ones whos not around, and the ones ive never thought, would be the ones to be on your side:) how ironic:) Life isnt about material things that we have or were going to have, its about learning and discovering things that would make you believe that living in this Earth is worth it. HAPPINESS matters MOST. Ive also known the value of every little or big thing that I have now, APPRECIATION. Being true to myself MORE:) and to do what it takes to be on the TOP:) afterall, itsmyLIFEmyCHOICE....
NOW I KNOW:) Thanks to you GOD:)
aikatz:)
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