sleepless....


1:43 am. uhm as usual i cant sleep, typing what's on my mind. 1 more day and its our first monthsary AGAIN.hay! haha. kalokohan nga naman, but honestly speaking. I loveeee him so so soooo soooooo soooo much. We had a date last thursday. It was totally good, i mean the best! Im happy when Im with him, ung feeling na kahit anung gawin namin okay lang, kahit maglakad kame ng malayo, kahit maghintay or tumayo kame ng matagal, kahit matrapik kme sa edsa basta Im with him, its still fine. Why Im still inlove with him, I thought I can fight my feelings for him, like what I've said before(when we had our balikans) Ill just go with the flow, but look at me now, I even loved him more and more and more as the days goes by. HMMmmm.. I can feel that he changed alot for the better, much better than we were before, I can feel that he loves me in such ways. He wants to go here in our house but I'd always refuse to. Why no matter how hard I told myself how turn off he was, Istill loving him? I have tons of questions in my mind why all of this is happening..... but I am happy now, sooo much happy.I mean having him back on my life is the best impossible thing thaat happened :) I never thought that the last last blog entry that I publish was the last time Im gonna wrote something about him. I love him. i love him. i love him soooo much :) lets see until when will it last...... basta!!

I'll share a picture of him....

 
 that's him. my bebeloves :)


gotta go :)
aikatz.......

Ang swerteko pala!

Well, I was about to sleep but andame ku naisip, things that I haven't seen before, how lucky I was. These past few days or weeks na nga siguro, puro stress and nega vibes ang naiisip ko. Just when he came back onto my life. Mahirap, sobra magsalita ng tapos, and I know matagal ko ng tinapos everything bout us, our whole story, pro nung bumalik sya, mas nangibabaw ung feelings ku sa kanya.I dont know how did it happened again,why is this happening again... but one thing's for sure. IM HAPPY that were otgether again,Eventhough lahat as in everybody says that I made a wrong decision. Truelove e. FIRST truelove ko :) Uhm un na nga, napagtanto ku how lucky I was, not just because i had him back, but because of what else i have right now, like my family, I know Im not the best daughter, sibling, but then they've been so supportive sakin, sa mga plans ku in my life. kahit na Im sooo pasaway and sooo spontaneous,they let me learn in my own way. i know that kahit were not vocal with each other, in our hearts were connected. :) And last but not th least is about my career. Im lucky to be have the job that I wanted. I got this job through my hard workings. Plus the fact that tumatagal aku at Im passing through the challenges, wow! that is something! Hindi lahat naaabot ang gusto nila :)

Soooo before I sleep, I wanna write lang and share how lucky Am I,and sooo thankful bout it :)
hayyy! bangag! sige na nga gotta go. basta Im happy right now. deep deep down in my heart!
Above everything I wanna thank my savior, ONE and ONLY :) Lord God :) Love you sooooo much. I know I can surpass everything with you in my heart :)


#thankful
aikatz

4th TIME....

Ehem! I was about to write last night bout all the things I must say/document, but unfortunately I havent coz I fell asleep. So Im gonna start telling it now, I need to rush a little bit coz my schedule tom will be 6 in the morning! Well, I didnt go to work for 5consecutive days :( hay! 5long days, wala nanman sasahudin... Last thursday and friday was my off, I schedule that for my medical and renewing my pnp and nbi clearance, some expired documents that I have to update. Last weekend I suffered from lbm due to what we ate a night before :( and so today I finished all the stuffs that I need to pass. Its my 3rd contract baby! My plan last year is that after 2 contracts Im gonna start applying for cruiseships, but but but, right now, Im thinking I need more time to think bout it, ofcourse, thats probably what my goal is, sometimes I feel lazy to start a new career, to continue what I should, and at the same time a little bit scared of rejection. I need more self esteem and confidence. I also think to be focused on more on guest communication, in dealing with them. So I decided to stay with shangrila for a couple of months still. Basta lets see whats gonna happen this following months. Maybe I just need a huge motivation to push through it -cruiseship :)

Anyway, your bother why I put "4th time" as a title. 

Believe it or not, Were together again for the 4th time, why Im like this. Why Am I still forgiving him eventhough I know that hes just fooling me??? why? sobrang ganun na ba ku kagaga ngayon??? Super lagi kung tinatanong yan sa sarili ko ngayon. We reconcile last saturday, sept 07, 2013. He texted me, asking if we can be together again, and walang dalawang salita, pumayag agad ako. Why Im like this? Even I myself dont know why I love him this much.... I dont know if Im doing the right thing, probably NOT!! pero sige Ill give it a try, this time no expectations, just go with the flow. I know its not gonna last din naman. Ill just let myself get tired of loving him :( ayoko na masyado isipin pa!!!!!

 

just want to be happy kahit sa pics lang :)

aikatz

Saturday dramas ;)

Hmmmm.. (think for about 5mins.) Hay! dont know what to say. ----

uhm. lets start nlng with what happened last morning. Im absent today :( unintentionally (tama ba spelling?)lol. Why? I was about to go work and ride a jeep, then suddenly may nafeel akung kakaiba. haha najejebs aku ng malala. as in, ung feeling na d mu na talaga mapipigil? hahaha. So i went back home, Im running out of time so since sobrang late na ku if I go work, I called nlng and told them I cant be around today, I was planning pa naman to have an off tomorrow coz its my mudrabels birthday. :( hmmm.. Hows my work? well doing really really great! still no DMslog. thats a good sign. :) Honestly its getting boring sometimes, maybe I was just getting used with the things i do everyday. parang i want a new lifstyle, new environment, new people and new challenges. haha andaw? NEW work :) haha. pero I dont know where to start again, I really hate endings. coz its really hard to do new begginings. andaw? baliwag nanaman ang peg ku ngaun. hay! epekto ng walang magawa! hay basta. mamomotivate din aku one of this days to start a new step on my career! antay lang for the right, i mean for the best moment :) 

haha. that swans made out of towel, kumita yan. haha 2.5k Actually I dont know how to make that. nagpagawa lang aku kay hotdog. sooo dapat ku ng matutunan how to make that on my own. lol :)

hmmm...wala na ku masabe till next time na nga lang. haha

gimik later ng "onti lang" @metrowalk with ate and her bff :) 

aikatz :)

much better NOW :)

2am. still awake. parang walang duty later a. lol. Anyways, I want to express what Im feeling right now. Honestly speaking Im still in pain, but atleast its not as worst as the last time I wrote. Un talaga super major! Ung feeling na ayoko na tlaga. lol. I then realized that loving someone seriously can hurt you seriuosly, super. Naloko ko ! Gosh I never ever thought that it'll happen to me till it hit me. Hay! I just met my "karma" lang talga. After that 10mos of super confusing US, now I can say that this woud be the LAST. Nakakaloka lang pag naalala ku how hard I tried just to make us work out. Kahit na long distance kme, kahit my mom doesnt want him 100x, kahit na against all odds us, kahit na 99% na ng pagkakataon nagsasabe na were not really meant for each other, na i still believe that ung 1% na un ang chance namin, super faith na sya at sya lang ang gusto ku, mahal ku forever. Hay! Nakakatawa isipin lahat lahat ng un. Moving on is never an easy thing or Maybe I was just not prepared, I never thought that there will be an ending for us. He changed me alot. But I never regret any of the things that happened on us, he taught me how to be strong, to be more matured,(w/c is not soo me before) Hay! enough! yea im still halfway in pain,but in due time, I know I can totally get over this. I just have to learn how to let go..........


on my career .
Well, 27 days togo and my 2nd contract ends. 10months @shang. hay! Parang kelan lang 1week plang aku,then I was then about to quit coz I felt like giving up, that it was sooo hard to be an R.A. There's no impossible talaga when you want something,when your aiming for your dream. Onting onti nlang, Im getting closer to my dream! -cruiseship. For a while I forgot it, I forgot that I have a goal, I was carried away by the happenings in my life, but thank God, super. No matter what I do, from worse to worst, no matter how lost am I, He guides me still. :)   I had lots of lessons learned @shang. From how to do the work itself upto talking to the guests.Different guests from different countries, diff culture and ofcourse diff languages. Dealing with them was never easy. You have to show them how please you are to serve them, nomatter how trashy their rooms were. Plus the fact that sometimes they offers you indicent proposals, like they're gonna buy you somethig,or pay you money in return you have to give them something.haha. soo cheap but it does happen. Being in this industry is sooo tiring but at the same time fun and exciting :) just sooo right for the people who gets bored easily on office works like me :)

looking forward....
*After several months I'll gonna start a new growth on my career, applying for CRUISESHIP :)
Ill not gonna stop till I hit that! swear! 
*Start a new lifestyle, from alcoholic to healthy living. how about enrolling on a tennis class? haha(naisip ku lang kanina while jogging and seeing it)
*forget Robert, ai mali, forget my "feelings" for him,its too way impossible to forget him physically :)


#aikatz #learning #faithlang

Honestly Speaking after sooo long months of silence :/

7-19-13
Friday


Its been so so so long since I last posted an entry, and I might say there were tons of happenings in my life that was not documented here. I read all my past blog entries and it seems that I changed alot. I can say Im much matured than before. My last blog entry was last November. 8 months, i never write for 8 months. too long. Honestly I dont know how to start elaborating all the happenings since then. Im feeling majorly sad today, what's happening on me, and its all because of Robert. yea.i still love him. I love him like I love him forever, I cant get rid of him I cant forget him, I cant move on, why??? kahit na mami had confested on me, that rob lied on me. Rob lied on me! f*ck, until now I always cry whenever I remember all the things. Pagnagfaflashback lahat ng happening sa buhay ku for that 8 mos. Im so so so down right now. Ung tipong di ku alam ung mga ibang pinaggagagawa ku. Like yesterday. I slept with a guy. Marvin, known him a couple of weeks ago. I never thougt that I would do that, that was just our first date. Akala ku magiging okay naku, ill gonna forget rob if bumalik aku sa oldme, na pa fling fling lang, pero it worsen the situation. mas lalo ku narealized that i love rob padin. obssession lang? hay! di naman cguro,i just love rob sooo much. first time ku kxe tlga mainlove. Basta super worst ng nafefeel ku ngaun. and for the very first time ku lang to nafeel. I know i can do this, i can overcome this, in time, but for not, i think hayaan ku muna sarili kung ganto, sobrang sakit talga!

Nxt time na nga lang icontinue, Im sooo not feeling well e. hope ill be okay tomorrow. Ill write again, pag mas okay okay na ku. :(



aikatz

NO PAIN, NO GAIN :)

Well, hello NOVEMBER and finally im employed. I started working last 31st and it was somehow a surprise. My first day was that tiring but its still fine. I had a buddy the whole day but I just had 6credits w/c means I got a halfday pay. Im with ate rose, R.A for5years. Well, she's kind, walang duda, but she has this attitute w/c I dont much like. As what I expect, this new world of mine is kinda creepy. haha. My second day was a dissapointment. They just sent us home and I was like "haler? pumunta kme here for nothing?". Now I know it happens, they call it "sent home". I really felt bad that time, Im excited and ready to do 6six rooms on my own and they'll gonna cut my excitement and instead sent me home. Okay the 3rd day was a challenge, the most awaited thing happened, they let me cleaned 6 rooms on my own, no buddy. It was a tiring day for me and from then I realized how hard to be an R.A. I had lots of faults and I finished my 6 rooms by 8:30pm. Gosh! my body hurts most. WORST! As if I cant walk na! as in grabe. back pain, body pain much that I need pain relievers to ease the pains! All check out rooms. ang hirap hirap pala! Im still lucky my supervisor that time was kind and  good, somehow he helps me but there's still some "kabadtripan" that he shows to me, but I know its part of it, being yelled and disgraded by them, I'll just use it as my motivation. Basta I'll never let go of it. I know I can do it coz this is what I want to do with my life! Today I was again "sent home". So hopefully tomorrow I'll make rooms again, but still 6rooms, that's my capacity pa din. haha! Ang slow much ko. :( but okay na din. I'll take it slowly but surely! Tinatamad na ku magelaborate next time nlang antok na akes! 2am na oh!

I had a chance to talk to Rob today :) And somehow it mades me happy. He's gonna court me again daw, hmmm but I said NO again! Im super duper inlove with him still. But I have to do this! Ewan ang labo labo ku talga! What I hate bout him is that sya pa nagpupush sken to give upon this work, as in! di daw bagay sken mag R.A coz pang guys lang daw toh. hmf w/c is I dont agree on that! I'll prove to him. Pero Basta kung magkakajowa ulet aku nagun, sya at sya lang gustoko! hay! ang gulo ku! lets just not talk bout my <3 life! nakakabaliw lang!



wishmeluck later! hay! 6rooms ULET sana!
aikatz :)