Time heal wounds 💜 (past vs present)

Hi there. Its been a while since my last post here. Pinlano ko ulet buhayin ang aking blog site Pero naunahan ako ng katamaran. But since, one year na ko dto sa Bahrain officially today, I have to do something na malapit sa passion ko. And to start, I will tell my recent experience regarding sa pakikipagusap ko sa EX ko. Yes/ not just ex but my first love as well. I had a crazy stage of moving on with him, I did loved him so much, ung pagmamahal na wagas, unstopable. Naloko ako, wagas din 😂😂😂 and it made me think that my life was totally ruined. Then I decided to come here in Bahrain. Nung first months ko, struggle bukod sa homesick mas lalo ako naparanoid coz I'm far away from him, ung bisyo ko na habulin sya di ko magawa dito. All I can do is to stalk on his Facebook account, which I made a fraud account pa para LNG ma-add sya at makita what he's up to. And found out he has a girlfriend na, it s*cks men! Every time magpost sya ng picture with the new girl, it hurts me to the bone. Paulit ulit ko din denedeactivate ung fraud account to stop this crazy thing, Pero wala inaactivate ko pdin. Para syang bisyo tlga, di ko mapigilan. But then one day, God changed everything. Di ko din maexplain how did it happen, Pero He send me this guy to love me, guide me, tell me that I'm wrong, showing me what is right and everyday I feel like I'm learning, I'm becoming a good version of myself. From lasingera, lakwatsera, walang pakialam sa suot at sasabihin ng ibang tao, I mean I can't explain right now exactly what I want to say, but I can feel it from within. Now, I can totally say what's a priority and not for me. And most especially he's bringing me closer to God. Yes, he's not perfect, were both not perfect, were doing mistakes also, but the thing is we put God as the center of our relationship. Oppps, going back to the ex/firstlove issue. Un nga, so I must say nakamove on na ko from the love and pain he cause me. But few months ago, he started giving msgs on my fb messenger, nangangamusta ba. I felt bother why suddenly I got excited. That time, curiosity hits me a lot kaya aun, si reply naman ako, usual talks. He has a gf, I have a bf. So I'm thinking there's nothing wrong plus the fact na our conversation goes like this lang ("kamusta?" "Okay LNG, ikaw?" "Okay LNG din, yngat ka Jan ah" "sure" "kelan ka uwe?" "2017 pa, next year pa" ) something like that. Not until last June, he told me there's no forever and telling they broke up. First, little excitement nanman. And keep asking myself if I still have feelings for him. He started telling he misses me, we talked about the things we used to do before. It felt like I miss him as well, but I never tell him so, coz if I do, its like I'm cheating with my current bf. Then, we continued chatting until early this month. But its not the every minute, everyday chatting, its like 2-3 times a week. But still confuse why I'm still doing this. Until last week I asked him some favor, like if he can send some surprise to mom at work since he's just within that area. At first, I'm 100% sure he wouldn't do it, but I'm so amused he said yes. Wow that's actually wow. He's willing to make efforts huh, but then when I told him how much do I have to pay for him delivery efforts he tells like this:

Probably at first, its also my intension to do this so we have something to talk about, I mean so atleast continuously we can talk. And figured out about this weird feeling I had. But just 4days ago, after talking to him I started to think if is it really worth it to put him back on my life? Why I'm doing this? I also felt like I'm cheating already with my bf. Coz I lied to him when he asked me who will do the surprise for my mom. At tska puro English na ko ah. Kaya pala nagiistruggle ndin ako. Hahaha un nga. Di na ko makatiis and kinausap ko si Mahal, since from day one we clearly want an honest relationship, no secrets no lying. And I felt like I'm guilty. Sinabe ko sa kanya the whole story, nastutter ang Mahal ko. Di DW sya makapaniwala na nagawa ko un, Pero ma's lalo ako humanga sa Mahal ko ng nasabe nya lahat sa napaka mahinahon na paraan, I can see he's hurting, mangilidngilid ang luha but still manage to smile on me, samantalang ako, pag may onti LNG syang di nagawa halos magwala na ko ng wagas. And then napagtanto ko gano ko kamahal ng taong to, that I can't afford to waste this love he has for me. 💜 Ung lalaking nagsave sakin sa tuluyan Kong pagkawasak, nagpa ramdam sakin that I'm still worth it to be loved by somebody, ung nagtutuwid ng landas ko, I can't do this to him, coz I know what it feels to be cheated on, to be lied onto, to left hanging alone. I asked for forgiveness, he told me he can give it without even a second word, Pero ung trust daw, he's asking how can he be sure that next time di ko na gagawin sa kanya un. Kung gusto ko padin iChat si ex/first love magagawa ko pdin un kahit pa sabihin ko naibloblock ko na sya. He asked me if Mahal ko padaw ba. If OO hahayaan nya naman DW ako, he will set me free without bitterness, coz he wants me to be happy.😀 Inisip ko din un , baka nga awa LNG ung nararamdaman ko sa kanya  coz he's loving me so much. Pero Hindi eh, mas narealized ko na mas Mahal ko sya, mas minamahal pa. That night nabuo lahat ng katanungan ko. Siguro nga nagduda ako kung there is still love for ex. Pero wala cguro part lang un ng pagbuo sa lahat ng sugat ko sa kanya. Honestly now I can say 100%, I don't love my ex/firstlove anymore. Yes I do believe that first love never dies, it simply changes the love you had for them. 💜 So from love as partner to love as a friend. Sometimes first love can hurt you deeply but then he can be a hero one day in your life. I asked permission to my Mahal if I can still talked to my ex regarding the surprise for my mom thing, and he supported me a lot. I tried looking for options, but no I don't have time anymore to look for any other person to do it. I think about getting involve my sibblings but they're all busy with work, some friends but its too far from the area, sya na talaga ang tinadhana. Haha. Sobra naman tlga ako nagpapasalamat Kay ex, di man nya sakin nagawa ang effort na ganito, nagawa naman nya para sa mama ko. Credits to my ex/firstlove:

And its a success! My mom got surprised 🙌💕🎊🎈✌🎂🎁😄 thank you ex/firstlove. Hero for a day! This will never worked out without you. Godbless you 😇 Now I can say panahon talaga ang kaylangan para maka get over sa lahat ng pain ko from you. And now, I feel the whole process is over.


So now I clearly make sure that my current bf feels that he's the love of my love now. Yes, trust, its so had to build and yet it can easily be gone in just a snap of the finger. I'm doubling my efforts for my Mahal now. All I wanna do is to love him uncoditionally  💜 regardless of our differences, even he's not the most handsome, sexiest, hot, richest guy in town. I'm falling in love with his soul which I know makes me more closer to heavenly things and not just earthly things. 💕💕💕

Looking for forward to put more blog post soon 😀😀😀😀

Aikatz