Monday 14 May 2012
flashbackssss!!
[*i wrote it about a year ago.. nakakatuwa naman, mai mga gntong level pla ku:)) shareness lang, walei aku ibang mapost eh:p]
hay! isa nanmang araw! i dont know why, but since i woke up i felt sad! i saw my mom and dad having breakfast outside. my siblings was then sleeping! it was around 8 in the morning! it was a peaceful day! i dont feel hungry so after i was my face, brush my teeth! i went on our little terrice! terrice pangmahirap! tiningnan ku ung two love birds namen, check if they had still food! then i look for the other one! inuga ku ung cage nila! aun she went out of there mini room! fly close to me, sumunod ung partner nia, then they kiss! hay! how sweet naman! un ung naisip ku! (haha baliw?) uhm i remember, d pla mabubuhay ang love birds pag isa lang! kelangan pakners lagi sila! uhm no one's an island nga naman! hay! i looked outside! nakita ku ang view ng dikit dikit na bahay. d naman kame rich para sa subdivision or village tumira nu! ang ganda ng sikat ng araw! sa tapat ng bahay namen ay may 3rdfloor na bahay! sa kanan ay may munting barong barong at sa kaliwa ay 3rdfloor din. tabi kame ng kalsada pero d ng main road. the end part of our street is a flood control! dba i live in pasig! tabi ng ilog! madalas ang baha-thats how they describe it! hay! pero infairness, we almost lived here for 4 years, parang kelan lang! as i looked around, i remember those times that i was in cebu, my mornings there, how i look like. i remember! as i woke up, i checheck ku agad ang fone ku! if somebody in manila has texted me, pag meron, un i was so supah happy! i mean, kahit na single goodmorning lang ang message basta i know that that text was from manila pa, hay! napakahappy na tlga! that's how much i'd missed manila that time! syempre maghihilamos,toothbrush, as much as possible magawa ku un before i talked to somebody else there. one thing ruins my morning, that's when the passenger were still on our ship, wherein ang ingay, ang gulo, at nagkakalat sila! that really annoys me alot! panu ba naman, 2am nagaarive ung ship sa cebu then 7-8 in the morning andun pa sila sa barko. gosh! sometimes i think nga e to make some rules that whenever the ships has arrived to the port they must leave immediately! kxo masayado namang selfish!! hehe! then, after i did my grooming, aun i will look onto the sea, look as the sun rise, (shit! ang ganda ganda ng view, aun ang isa sa mga namimiss ku tlga) and then saka aku magcocount down how many days before i go home. then, after magilusyon, i have to do the daily chore and that was to sweep the floor, the whole deck a, pero minsan lang un kxe sometimes dalawa kame ni rose na nagswesweep dun e. walang agahan, haha! honestly we have, but i dont know if you can call it as a food! nakafixed na kxe ung food dun. NFA and kanin, agahan e tinowa(tinola in manila) ok lang sana kung chicken e, pero isda!isda! isda!! hay! sa tanghali ay fried! but its not chicken pdin! isda! isda! isda! hay! sa hapunan ay paksiw, at syempre isda un! un ang naging food ku for six months! hay! even myself i cant believe that i used to do that! gosh! i always asks my crewmates nga if i had some scales na e for we always eat fish. hay! good part of it was my parents always sends me allowance kea aun, pagbagung reload ang wallet, masarap ang pagkain! were so glutton there. i mean everytime we went outside the port, we always want to eat all foods that we see. kea nga big part of our allowances goes to food e! uhm kung ganu kabad trip pag sa cebu kame nagaarive e syang saya pag sa leyte kame. monday, wednesday and friday lang kame sa cebu, the rest nasa leyte kame, kea lamang pdin and happiness! hmm, you'll probably curious why did i say that. mas marame kaseng benifit ang pagdaong sa leyte! first, pagarrive namen dun ng 2am, bumababa agad lahat! as in lahat ng mga passenger + kasabay namen dumaong dun ang roble(shipping lines din)e mai mga career aku dun + the view is so awsome + mas mai possibility na masarap ang ulam, basta favorite ku tlga ang tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday! haha! excited sa mga days na un xe im the one who's assigned for the announcing before leaving the port! i'd love hearing my voice all over the ship even the outside part when i did the deckhands announcements! haha! i remembered the first time i did it, i was mortified, i had a wrong word! and the passengers noticed it! hay! nobody's perfect nga naman! but as i practice aun, nakuha ku ung da best way to do it! hay! nagising aku sa pagkatulala at pagdaydream ku ng mai tumawag sa napakaganda kung pangalan mula sa ibaba ng terrice, napatingin aku, si "hi aiah" pala un. i dont know what's his name e! pagnanakakasalubong ku kse siya sa daan, "hi aiah" ang lagi niang sinasabe kea un ang tawag ku sa kanya. at walang kaabug abog sinabe nanman nia ang "hi aiah" haha! natawa tlga aku! hay! buti nlang mai mga taong ganun! napapasaya nila aku, even for a while! nawala na aku sa focus ng pagrereminise, hay! i really feel sad today! bket kea? habang nagiisip, napatingin aku sa mga batang naglalaro ng 10-20 sa harapan ng bahay namen, muli ay naalala ku ang aking kabataan, ung mga panahon na pagkagising ku ay d man lang naghihilamos o agahan ay deretso na sa labas kasama ang gomang pinagdikit dikit paramakagawa ng mahabang tali para gawing 10-20 at saka pupunta sa bakanteng lote sa tabi ng bahai namen, sa luoban kame nakatira nung ako'y bata pa at tanging isang bakanteng lote lang ang tambayan ng lahat ng mga kabataan sa lugar namen kaya dun aku dimederetso. araw araw ay ganun ang eksena sa buhay ku all those times until one day, binakuran na ang bakanteng lote and they dont allow the children to play in there anymore, nagalit ang mai ari cause of the garbages we throw there. lahat kme felt sad about it. wula na ang playground namen. wula na! hinding hindi ku makakalimutan ang araw na yon. maswerte padin ang mga batang to, nasabi ku sa saril ku habang pinanunuod sila, kxe dito sa street namen ngaun e mai space tlga na pinaglaanan para sa mga bata! nangawit aku sa kakatayo kaya i decided to go downstairs na! mejo nagugutom ndin aku e at gusto kung sumabay kila mama at papa! pagbaba ku ay i look for my cell phone then see if somebody has texted me, 3missed calls from **h*! hay! napadeep breath aku! hindi pa din nia ku tinatantanan, 1 msg from unknown contact. then, i went outside, nakita ku sla mamzie at papzie having their convo, walang kaabug abug nakisali aku, napakasarap ng feeling ng mai parents. i mean uo alam ku lahat naman tau mai parents e. pero iba ung kasama mu silang mabuhay, nakasuporta sau at ginaguide ka thoughout your life. somehow i feel happy as i looked at them, napakaswerte ku pla, i said to myself. kahit d man kame mayaman, walang magagarang sasakyan at bahai pero kumpleto ang pamilya ku. madame sa aking mga kaibigan ay broken family o d naman kea ay wula ang magulang dahil nagtatrabaho sa ibang bansa o inabandona na. im soo soo much lucky. my parents was able to give what i need and some of my whats. and i think i should be contented on what i have! alam ku na madami din akung faults sa kanila, isa dito ung inaway ku sila nung d nila aku pinayagan sa swimming namen sa cavite. hindi kame nagpansinan for about a week, after school and ojt i go bed agad! sometimes i really dont eat dinner until napuno na siguro si mama at aun she confronted me. aun! nagsalubong ang mga galet! i really felt bad din kxe that time. d nila aku pinayagan e first time ku magpaalam ng mga gnung outing. i study hard din naman nun. kea tlgang grabe ung moment na un. i supah dupah like to go on that outin! as in! aun! aku padin ang nagsoorrry sa kanila then, they forgive me ofcourse. and ang hindi nila alam tumuloy aku sa outing! haha! i just pretend that i was sleeping kila rose. haha! im such a badgirl! pero super dupah nagsisi din aku nun! and in the end i tell the truth din sa kanila! hay! napatingin aku kai mama when she called me! then all of a sudden i realized na kung baket aku sad today!! its because di na ku pumasok sa first work ku! but they bid me its okay!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday 9 May 2012
promise ng UNEMPLOYED!!
ive been unemployed for one month and 19days to be exactly. its not easy though. yea it feels good to be home, you can do watevs you want to;watch, eat, sleep, go surf the net all day long:) but there are some points that you'll get bored and you miss working and of course earning money on your own:) i never thought that i'll be unemployed this long, i thought i can find another job to work on easily, but somehow i was wrong, totally. im planning on working on a hotel, any kind, as a room attendant(that's my goal right now) i just need some experience. but for now, as being unemployed, i promise:
*not to spend money- of course i will, dont have choice
*avoid gala- basically its conected with the first promise:) also i want to focuse on finding a job, but though i can still, but not that much
*avoid too much gimicks- yea! im practicing that eversince, not just now that im unemployed, but thoroughly.
*ill read read read- in other words i'll study, being fluent in english must be.
*help the household chores- yea!im doing it, but sometimes im too lazy to move that i havent done anything for one whole day. amsorry:*
*minimize fb maximize blogging- haha! like:)
*minimize flirting- yes i am, the last time i only had one and now nothing:)) totally nothing:)) promise i'll behave. trust me
last but not the least:
*strive strike struck- make efforts, do your best and aim for a new job!!!!!!!!
#ehwulangmagawaeh
aikatz:))
*not to spend money- of course i will, dont have choice
*avoid gala- basically its conected with the first promise:) also i want to focuse on finding a job, but though i can still, but not that much
*avoid too much gimicks- yea! im practicing that eversince, not just now that im unemployed, but thoroughly.
*ill read read read- in other words i'll study, being fluent in english must be.
*help the household chores- yea!im doing it, but sometimes im too lazy to move that i havent done anything for one whole day. amsorry:*
*minimize fb maximize blogging- haha! like:)
*minimize flirting- yes i am, the last time i only had one and now nothing:)) totally nothing:)) promise i'll behave. trust me
last but not the least:
*strive strike struck- make efforts, do your best and aim for a new job!!!!!!!!
#ehwulangmagawaeh
aikatz:))
ms. NO COMMITMENT please
i never had any serious relationship with a guy since birth. yes, i do fall in love, but most of the time, in the wrong one. im not a man hater nor a bitter girl. i just think love is very much cruel to me. primary and secondary year for me was hard. as a girl i always dreamed of having my own boyfriend, but it didnt came, i used to like and love several boys from school but they rejected me. nobody appreciates me, and if there's anybody would, i just dont liked them back. i guess that's my problem that time. all through those years, ive tried so hard to have a boy, whom i can finally call mine. maybe im too much pihikan din coz im always looking for the perfect one, i never thought that time that mr. perfect wasnt exsisting. haha. i used to believe in a happily ever after story, perfect love story. that's me before..... i never wanted to study after high school, all i want is to work immediately, my mom just insisted. i told her i dont what to study a 4years course. until i found a course in pmi whose only for one year, plus the fact that i know there'll be lots of boys there and hopefully met my mr. perfect there, i choosed PMI. but it didnt helped me find mr. perfect, instead from there i started to switch my perspectives bout guys. ive been studying with them, and they taught me 101 reasons why should i hate them. from there i realized how bad they were, how cheaters were they. i know its too bad for me to include all the guys to be like them, but believe me or not, i never ever found a real man in my life right now, ever. i havent seen a perfect guy!!
*top reasons why i hate committment
#1 reason why i hate comittement, im scared to love a guy. days and weeks and months and year passby, i learned to play their games. at first its strange, but as soon as i get used with it, ive got along with it. you cant never put away the assurance when im flirting a guy, i dont just flirt. somehow im looking forward with them, knowing that they'll be different, but in the end of the day, they werent. until now, that's how its used to be. i never search for love, it just strikes me, whether i like it or not. but when i think its not worth it, i never pushes myself with it. i know when to hold on and not to. having no commitment is risky sometimes, lalo na when youre really having fun then suddenly he would just taken you for granted.
its hard for me to trust a guy.....
#2 reason why id stay single, i have a dream, and i dont want to be distracted by a relationship. yea i know it can be an inspiration on both of you, but it can also be a distraction. i want to focus on my goal, that's it..that's my priority.
#3 maybe i really dont know how to love for real!!lol(teach me how to love) honestly!!!!
#4 im too much COMPLICATED:/
ill share this poem ba to or something like a saying, i found it on my idol's blog. actually she doesnt know that i reposted it.. i just like the thought coz it perfectly suits me:
Ayoko magcommit.
Gusto ko ganito lang.
Walang away.
Walang nagkokontrol,
Walang responsibilidad,
Walang naiiwan sa ere.
Pwede ka umalis kahit kelan mo gusto,
Pwede ka sumama kahit kanino,
Pwede kang kumawala pag hindi ka pa sigurado,
Pwede kang mang-iwan pag nakahanap ka na ng bago.
Higit sa lahat, walang naloloko, walang nasasaktan,
Wala namang karapatan e.
Ang importante masaya ko,
Single pero alam mong may nagmamahal sayo.
May limitasyon pero ako pa rin yung totoong ako.
Okay na ko sa ganito,
Kasi alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi pa ko handa ulit magseryoso.
Hinihintay ko pa yung katapat ko para mabago tong pananaw na to.
i was also surprised to see this note of mine, maybe i made this a year ago, promise i never thought that i wrote this..33guys in 6mos :P
aikatz:))
*top reasons why i hate committment
#1 reason why i hate comittement, im scared to love a guy. days and weeks and months and year passby, i learned to play their games. at first its strange, but as soon as i get used with it, ive got along with it. you cant never put away the assurance when im flirting a guy, i dont just flirt. somehow im looking forward with them, knowing that they'll be different, but in the end of the day, they werent. until now, that's how its used to be. i never search for love, it just strikes me, whether i like it or not. but when i think its not worth it, i never pushes myself with it. i know when to hold on and not to. having no commitment is risky sometimes, lalo na when youre really having fun then suddenly he would just taken you for granted.
its hard for me to trust a guy.....
#2 reason why id stay single, i have a dream, and i dont want to be distracted by a relationship. yea i know it can be an inspiration on both of you, but it can also be a distraction. i want to focus on my goal, that's it..that's my priority.
#3 maybe i really dont know how to love for real!!lol(teach me how to love) honestly!!!!
#4 im too much COMPLICATED:/
ill share this poem ba to or something like a saying, i found it on my idol's blog. actually she doesnt know that i reposted it.. i just like the thought coz it perfectly suits me:
Ayoko magcommit.
Gusto ko ganito lang.
Walang away.
Walang nagkokontrol,
Walang responsibilidad,
Walang naiiwan sa ere.
Pwede ka umalis kahit kelan mo gusto,
Pwede ka sumama kahit kanino,
Pwede kang kumawala pag hindi ka pa sigurado,
Pwede kang mang-iwan pag nakahanap ka na ng bago.
Higit sa lahat, walang naloloko, walang nasasaktan,
Wala namang karapatan e.
Ang importante masaya ko,
Single pero alam mong may nagmamahal sayo.
May limitasyon pero ako pa rin yung totoong ako.
Okay na ko sa ganito,
Kasi alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi pa ko handa ulit magseryoso.
Hinihintay ko pa yung katapat ko para mabago tong pananaw na to.
i was also surprised to see this note of mine, maybe i made this a year ago, promise i never thought that i wrote this..33guys in 6mos :P
aikatz:))
VIRGIN pa nga! as of "05-05-12"
sila: virgin ka pa ba aiah?
me: uo naman nu!!:)
sila: weeehhh? san banda?
hahah! im soo get used with that convo? why they dont just believe. even you, right? watevs. believe it or not, i am still VIRGIN:) i am 20 now, and its my choice to stay virgin.
ive been through lots of situation na muntik na makuha saken yan. but the most memorable was this guy we'll call aj. i use to like him for fun until it became real, as in. i had a huge crush on him. im always looking forward to see him.i was 18 by that time and so he was. were both having our onboard ojt @ cebu, but not with the same shipping company. were seeing each other 4times a week. and for those 3 days na di ku siya nakikita, naloloka ku, i must say, patay na patay na talga ku sa kanya. moreno, suplado, gwapo, isnabero, pachoosy, pak.. kaya he totally got my attention. anadae ku fling that time, pero he's different.there's something with him and he challenged me alot. i stalked him for God's sake, just to know more of him. until we became friends but he seemed too awkward with me, he's not interested with me either. wala as in walei. wa epek lahat ng effort ku teh! pachoosy talga ang lolo mo. i decided to stop all of this kabaliwan nung nagfeeling na siya, basta. nayamot talaga ku sa kanya. he had taken me for granted. i even promised to myself that ill never make papansin to him, i dont even texted him. i then became busy with other flings, until one night, he called me, i was with somebody else that time, but since i saw his name on my phone, and he's calling, i made some alibis just to attend on his call, somehow he's still special for me, i realized that time. we talked, i almost forgot what we'd talked about that night but since then, we remained bonded through our phones. it was december 2010. it was a busy month for all of us, passengers month, also im too much excited that time coz ill go back home(in manila) before that year ends. until xmas eve had come. i never expected it would happened. since that was the first xmas eve without me in my home with my own family, i really felt sad, eventhough we had a company xmas party, its different, its strange. he invited me to be with him, to celebrate our first date, our first xmas without home, somehow, it did felt good to be with him,i was drank and wasted but i trusted him very much:( i do love him:( and when he did kiss me, i cant do nothing but to resist the moment. sabe ku pa nun sa isip ku: "shet, aiah, eto na yung matagal mu ng hinitay, alam ku mali tong nangyayare, pero yaan mu na! kiss lang naman to pti last na to, paramis!!"(ang naughty ku talga). haha. everythings fine na nga sana eh, pero potek pagdilat ku may camera ampota!! they're taking video of me and him kissing! and worst is that aj knows everything bout it all the time! f*uck right? kahit sobrang basag aku that time, i still had a chance to have that phone and delete that f*cking video. we all decided to end that party. but aj didnt stop then, while others approached to the ship to have some rest, both of us walked through the street and we eneded up hanging @the "bayan". we talked from there, i really felt dizzy,(d ba nga makulet aku pag lasing) but i know exactly whats happening. masyado akung nadissapoint kay aj!!! sobra.. i love him for real that time but he just loves me for lust. i know he wants to did the deed! but still i trust him:( he wants us to check in a motel. i never did say yes, but he then decided on his own that were going. i insisted on myself that he''ll not gonna do this to me, he's different from other guys, i prayed so hard! for the very first time of my life i entered in a motel, from then, i still believe on myself that he'll not gonna do this to me, he'll respect me coz i love him, but i was wrong, he's just after for the pleasure. yea, he tells me that he loves me then, but i know its not true... yea? your curious if something had happened right? haha! believe it our not,yea there's something, but not that much. dba virgin pa nga ku! honestly! im so thankfull din coz i got my "." that time, i think its too gross to have my first sex while i have my "." right? tska buo talaga ung mind ku na ayaw ku talaga!! i have to be wise and play smart! and honestly d naman talaga kame!!!! kame kamehan lang!! i remember umiyak pa nga ku nun eh!! nagmamakaawa! chos! haha! being on that scene was drastic! i dont have any regrets naman bout that! exprience nadin un, lahat ng mga pangyayari that night ginusto ku din naman, aku at aku ang nagpunta sa sarili ku sa ganung situation. its my choice! but i had to play it really wise!!! i leave him alone on that room, get some money from his wallet(haler! fone and lighter lang dala ku that time, kinailangan ku ng money for my transpo pabalik sa barko only to found out na walei naman din pla ku masasakyan:/) and leave him a note. nakakatawa nga kxe ung note na sinasabe ku, anggang ngaun daw nasa wallet pa nia, he told me when we had a chance to talk to each other via phonepatch, a couple of months ago. we talked to each other bago ku bumalik here in manila, and all i want that time is to hurt him, gusto ku siya sampalin, suntukin, basta naasar talaga ku bout what had happened. pero nung nakita ku siya, wala, nawala lahat ng yamot ku sa kanya. as in , i just stared at him, pero sya parang wala lng. halatang halata na apektado aku. that was the last time we saw each other...
im supposed to tell something bout me being virgin right? bat parang naging story na to ni aj? hmmm.. as ive said a while ago, being virgin is my choice. i can flirt as much as i wanted to, but when it comes to sex, to me its different thing. call me primative, conservative(hmm.. not really!), old fashioned, etchusera, or anything. kahit na andae at sobrang daming tukso sa paligid, i'd rather choose to be virgin until i marry my man, im not making a promise nor a statement, thats IF i have to choose, i dunno whats gonna happen tomorrow, the next month, next year, i might get crazy out of love, we dunno right? im just telling my perspective when it comes to SEX. and im still hoping it'll come true:))
sometimes, nacucurios din naman aku....
honestly, im soo curious how it feels on the very first time, uo they say it hurts alot, pero nakakacurious talaga. ive watched porn movies and videos din naman sometimes(lalo na ung mga famous scandals) + i know some sex stories of my friends + ive already had a chance to watch a liveshow + i know more and more facts about sex, pero iba parin talaga pag ikaw na ung gumagawa, and that's why im sooo curious bout it.... haha wala lng.. curious much lng talaga promise:)
survey lang:)
what age did you have your first kiss?
-18:)
with whom?
-top secret! nakakahiya eh
was he your bf?
-yea he was:)
what was it feels like?
-nothing! as in. no spark at all.
do you love him?
-absolutely NO!
what would you choose smack or torrid?
-of course torrid:)
do you love to kiss?
-yes! i do, i love to kiss:*
hug or kiss?
-can i have both?
do u kiss on first date?
-hmm.. not actually, but ive tried once:/ and its a major TURN OFF!!!!!
are you hanging out with a guy right now?
-no im not! too busy looking for a job:(
last date you had?
-last 3mos na ata, 2consecutive dates was postponed! out of interest with me:(
lights ON or OFF?
-OFF:/
what's your favorite sex position?
-haha. i never tried any, but i think helicopter sounds great!! haha:)
what is SEX?
-for me, sex? uhm (think for30secs.) way of expressing your love? haha! kalibugan:p
message to the virgins out there:
-haler! virgin or not, its our choice:)) so let it be!! horaay!
aikatz:))
me: uo naman nu!!:)
sila: weeehhh? san banda?
hahah! im soo get used with that convo? why they dont just believe. even you, right? watevs. believe it or not, i am still VIRGIN:) i am 20 now, and its my choice to stay virgin.
ive been through lots of situation na muntik na makuha saken yan. but the most memorable was this guy we'll call aj. i use to like him for fun until it became real, as in. i had a huge crush on him. im always looking forward to see him.i was 18 by that time and so he was. were both having our onboard ojt @ cebu, but not with the same shipping company. were seeing each other 4times a week. and for those 3 days na di ku siya nakikita, naloloka ku, i must say, patay na patay na talga ku sa kanya. moreno, suplado, gwapo, isnabero, pachoosy, pak.. kaya he totally got my attention. anadae ku fling that time, pero he's different.there's something with him and he challenged me alot. i stalked him for God's sake, just to know more of him. until we became friends but he seemed too awkward with me, he's not interested with me either. wala as in walei. wa epek lahat ng effort ku teh! pachoosy talga ang lolo mo. i decided to stop all of this kabaliwan nung nagfeeling na siya, basta. nayamot talaga ku sa kanya. he had taken me for granted. i even promised to myself that ill never make papansin to him, i dont even texted him. i then became busy with other flings, until one night, he called me, i was with somebody else that time, but since i saw his name on my phone, and he's calling, i made some alibis just to attend on his call, somehow he's still special for me, i realized that time. we talked, i almost forgot what we'd talked about that night but since then, we remained bonded through our phones. it was december 2010. it was a busy month for all of us, passengers month, also im too much excited that time coz ill go back home(in manila) before that year ends. until xmas eve had come. i never expected it would happened. since that was the first xmas eve without me in my home with my own family, i really felt sad, eventhough we had a company xmas party, its different, its strange. he invited me to be with him, to celebrate our first date, our first xmas without home, somehow, it did felt good to be with him,i was drank and wasted but i trusted him very much:( i do love him:( and when he did kiss me, i cant do nothing but to resist the moment. sabe ku pa nun sa isip ku: "shet, aiah, eto na yung matagal mu ng hinitay, alam ku mali tong nangyayare, pero yaan mu na! kiss lang naman to pti last na to, paramis!!"(ang naughty ku talga). haha. everythings fine na nga sana eh, pero potek pagdilat ku may camera ampota!! they're taking video of me and him kissing! and worst is that aj knows everything bout it all the time! f*uck right? kahit sobrang basag aku that time, i still had a chance to have that phone and delete that f*cking video. we all decided to end that party. but aj didnt stop then, while others approached to the ship to have some rest, both of us walked through the street and we eneded up hanging @the "bayan". we talked from there, i really felt dizzy,(d ba nga makulet aku pag lasing) but i know exactly whats happening. masyado akung nadissapoint kay aj!!! sobra.. i love him for real that time but he just loves me for lust. i know he wants to did the deed! but still i trust him:( he wants us to check in a motel. i never did say yes, but he then decided on his own that were going. i insisted on myself that he''ll not gonna do this to me, he's different from other guys, i prayed so hard! for the very first time of my life i entered in a motel, from then, i still believe on myself that he'll not gonna do this to me, he'll respect me coz i love him, but i was wrong, he's just after for the pleasure. yea, he tells me that he loves me then, but i know its not true... yea? your curious if something had happened right? haha! believe it our not,yea there's something, but not that much. dba virgin pa nga ku! honestly! im so thankfull din coz i got my "." that time, i think its too gross to have my first sex while i have my "." right? tska buo talaga ung mind ku na ayaw ku talaga!! i have to be wise and play smart! and honestly d naman talaga kame!!!! kame kamehan lang!! i remember umiyak pa nga ku nun eh!! nagmamakaawa! chos! haha! being on that scene was drastic! i dont have any regrets naman bout that! exprience nadin un, lahat ng mga pangyayari that night ginusto ku din naman, aku at aku ang nagpunta sa sarili ku sa ganung situation. its my choice! but i had to play it really wise!!! i leave him alone on that room, get some money from his wallet(haler! fone and lighter lang dala ku that time, kinailangan ku ng money for my transpo pabalik sa barko only to found out na walei naman din pla ku masasakyan:/) and leave him a note. nakakatawa nga kxe ung note na sinasabe ku, anggang ngaun daw nasa wallet pa nia, he told me when we had a chance to talk to each other via phonepatch, a couple of months ago. we talked to each other bago ku bumalik here in manila, and all i want that time is to hurt him, gusto ku siya sampalin, suntukin, basta naasar talaga ku bout what had happened. pero nung nakita ku siya, wala, nawala lahat ng yamot ku sa kanya. as in , i just stared at him, pero sya parang wala lng. halatang halata na apektado aku. that was the last time we saw each other...
im supposed to tell something bout me being virgin right? bat parang naging story na to ni aj? hmmm.. as ive said a while ago, being virgin is my choice. i can flirt as much as i wanted to, but when it comes to sex, to me its different thing. call me primative, conservative(hmm.. not really!), old fashioned, etchusera, or anything. kahit na andae at sobrang daming tukso sa paligid, i'd rather choose to be virgin until i marry my man, im not making a promise nor a statement, thats IF i have to choose, i dunno whats gonna happen tomorrow, the next month, next year, i might get crazy out of love, we dunno right? im just telling my perspective when it comes to SEX. and im still hoping it'll come true:))
sometimes, nacucurios din naman aku....
honestly, im soo curious how it feels on the very first time, uo they say it hurts alot, pero nakakacurious talaga. ive watched porn movies and videos din naman sometimes(lalo na ung mga famous scandals) + i know some sex stories of my friends + ive already had a chance to watch a liveshow + i know more and more facts about sex, pero iba parin talaga pag ikaw na ung gumagawa, and that's why im sooo curious bout it.... haha wala lng.. curious much lng talaga promise:)
survey lang:)
what age did you have your first kiss?
-18:)
with whom?
-top secret! nakakahiya eh
was he your bf?
-yea he was:)
what was it feels like?
-nothing! as in. no spark at all.
do you love him?
-absolutely NO!
what would you choose smack or torrid?
-of course torrid:)
do you love to kiss?
-yes! i do, i love to kiss:*
hug or kiss?
-can i have both?
do u kiss on first date?
-hmm.. not actually, but ive tried once:/ and its a major TURN OFF!!!!!
are you hanging out with a guy right now?
-no im not! too busy looking for a job:(
last date you had?
-last 3mos na ata, 2consecutive dates was postponed! out of interest with me:(
lights ON or OFF?
-OFF:/
what's your favorite sex position?
-haha. i never tried any, but i think helicopter sounds great!! haha:)
what is SEX?
-for me, sex? uhm (think for30secs.) way of expressing your love? haha! kalibugan:p
message to the virgins out there:
-haler! virgin or not, its our choice:)) so let it be!! horaay!
aikatz:))
pressure na pleasure!!
YOSI
tandang tanda ku pa ung araw na unang beses akung bumili ng lighter sa lighter's galore ng sm cebu city. i was 18 that time. hindi naman aku literally smoker that time. tama na ung makaisa sa isang buwan, ganun lang. kaya ku lang ginusto bumili ng lighter nun kase nacucutetan aku. un lang... pero it changed. at dahil ala zippo ang style, nawili nadin aku sa paggamit sa kanya, from then inaral kung mabuti ang pagyosi, haha.. ngpaturo din aku sa mga crewmates ku hanggang sa yun, bongga. instant smoker na pala aku. pero andun padin ung paglimit sa sarili ko. kelangan 5sticks ang pinakamaximum ku dapat in one day, bawal na magexceed dun. pati pinaramis ku sa self ku na after that ojt, paguwi ku samen, im gonna stop doing it... nakakastress lang din kase ung environment sa barko, nakakahomesick kaya naisip ku na okay din plang pang passtime un(gaga lang). for 3 consecutive months i am a smoker. nung bumalik na ku sa normal life, nung una hindi ko keri, kung minsan dun ako sa terrice nmen, secretly smoking, pero after several weeks aun smoke free na ulet. madae nagsabe saken nun hindi ku na daw maaalis sa sarili ku ang pagyoyosi kase nasimulan ku na daw, pero i dont belive in that statement. para saken nasa sa tao padin yan. mind over body lang yun.
nung nagwork ako sa mf, sobrang dae ng pressure saken dun.. that time, bumili ulet aku ng lighter, pero this time iba pinaramis ku. gagamitin ku lang ung lighter na un pag feeling ku super strees na ku, mai nakalagay pa nga dun sa lighter na "over work". un, literally, pagfeeling ku over work na ku, that's the time that ill lit a cig. and it worked out. paggumigimik aku nun, yun dun lang aku nakakadame ng yosi. pero on the ordinary days, i would never.
madame na ku natikman na yosi pero si pareng philip morris lang talaga ang da best para saken...:) nakakapagtaka lang kung baket pagnalalaman nila ni philip brand ku natatawa sila, they even told me "pokpok kba?" nyeee.. pokpok lang ba mai karapatan at dapat magyosi ng philip????
ALAK
nung unang beses akong uminom ng alak, natawa aku.. red horse un, new year kaya allowed kameng uminom, tska sa bahay namen un, highschool aku nun. out of curiosity sinubukan ku ubusin ung isang bottle ng RD, gumamit pa nga ku ng wine glass eh, right after kung maubos un, walei, plakda na aketch.as in, nung una hilo hilo lang pero paramis, nakatulog agad aku. lol. pero i never vomit:p
Hindi naman aku masyado nahihilig sa alak, maliban nalang din kung mejo mai problema or gumigimik, un lang, pero kung tutuosin, mas bet ku pa ang yosi.. hate na hate ku kase ang hang over. kaya as much as possible d aku nagpapakalango sa alak. ay, pati pala sobraaang makulet aku paglasing, as in. basta. i remember one incident. while i was in cebu for my onboard ojt, one time, we(my crewmates) had a feast, birthday ni mags:) grabe from morning to night nomo to the max. i started drinking gabe na, for some reason, it wasnt my intention naman talga na makipag inuman nu,(d nga ku mahilig magnomo right?) im sooo homesick that time that i just want to go home:(. aus naman nung una, shot dito shot dun, pa yosi yosi pa and it was late when i caught myself tipsy, no im sooo wasted!! from shot-to pitcher na inum ku.. nobody can control me, as in nobody! nagstroll pa kme, sabe nila pagnahanginan daw aku babalik daw aku sa katinuan, pero tae lang ung nagadvice nun, coz it didnt work out, instead mas naging worst pa ku, natatandaan ku naman everything that happened that night, d ku lang talga makontrol ung self ku. pumunta pa kame sa diskuhan(diskuhang province ah) and believe it or not, inagaw ku atensyon nilang lahat, hay! grabe talga(buti nlng nobody recognizes me there). pagdating naman namen sa barko, lahat sila aligaga, d nila talga alam gagawin nila saken, since i was the youngest, they treated me like a princess. angkulet lang, first time ku magsuka nun at ung may birthday pa nasukahan ku. swerte lang..the day after that incident, instant celeb aku, everybody knows it, pati ung owner nung shipping lines, akala ku nga machuchugi na ku nun eh, pero luckily im not:))hay basta to see is to believe.. haha.. kaya ayaw ku din talaga ng alak.
it came to the point din na i thought ALAK lang ang way just to scape with my problems, to somehow forget them, but it was a wrong thought though. uo for a while,mkakalimutan mu, pero pagbumalik kna sa katinuan mas mareeralize mu lang na pinaworst mu lang ang everything. dapat ang problema hinaharap yan!!
madali aku malasing sa hard, malakas aku sa beer:) favorite ku:tequilla sunrise, mixiquilla and grenadine + the bar:))(so far ah)
GIMIK
gimikera? d naman, d pa naman aku umaabot sa super level na un sa ngaun.. d ku padin nararanasan pumasok sa super class A na bars. in the future ill try that. wala lang, nacucurios lang. ang pinakagusto ku paggumigimik aku is that i can have lots and tons of friend in just a snap. kaya nga perfect place din saken ang bar pagstress and im feeling blue. ung dancefloor, ung malalakas at mga magagandang sounds, ung mga nakakarelax na bands + the cool ambiance + instant flings= perfect!.. #1 rule ku naman paggumigimik is that, ayaw ku ng picture, for me kase, what happens in gimik stay only there, ayaw ku ng remembrance ayaw ku ng evidence.. haha.. weird ba? im not proud with it kase pati ung mga ganung moments for me, should not be cherish anymore.. one thing more, sinisikap kung umuwi sa bahay namen at hindi kung san san. natatawa nga ku kase mas focuse and matino aku pag oras na ng uwian, kahit ganu kalayo pa yan sa bahay namen at kahit ganu aku ka waisted, nakakauwi padin aku. one time nga, nanggaling pa ku sa bandang north, sa sobrang kabado ku, ung atm ku pati ung pera ku nilagay ku sa sapatos ku, just incase baka maholdap aku.. meron pa galing akung qc, un wasted din kso i have to go home, ayaw ku sana magtaxi sayang pera, buti naman mabait ung driver nung taxi na nasakyan ku, may discount pa ku. nakakatawa ung mga ganung eksena nu, nakakatakot pero nakakathrill.. exciting:)
as of now, among those bars ive been through, i must say, cuba's my favorite:)
*sometimes, doing forbidden things would cause you pleasure, whats important is that you should also know your limitations or else be ready for the consequences..
aikatz:)
tandang tanda ku pa ung araw na unang beses akung bumili ng lighter sa lighter's galore ng sm cebu city. i was 18 that time. hindi naman aku literally smoker that time. tama na ung makaisa sa isang buwan, ganun lang. kaya ku lang ginusto bumili ng lighter nun kase nacucutetan aku. un lang... pero it changed. at dahil ala zippo ang style, nawili nadin aku sa paggamit sa kanya, from then inaral kung mabuti ang pagyosi, haha.. ngpaturo din aku sa mga crewmates ku hanggang sa yun, bongga. instant smoker na pala aku. pero andun padin ung paglimit sa sarili ko. kelangan 5sticks ang pinakamaximum ku dapat in one day, bawal na magexceed dun. pati pinaramis ku sa self ku na after that ojt, paguwi ku samen, im gonna stop doing it... nakakastress lang din kase ung environment sa barko, nakakahomesick kaya naisip ku na okay din plang pang passtime un(gaga lang). for 3 consecutive months i am a smoker. nung bumalik na ku sa normal life, nung una hindi ko keri, kung minsan dun ako sa terrice nmen, secretly smoking, pero after several weeks aun smoke free na ulet. madae nagsabe saken nun hindi ku na daw maaalis sa sarili ku ang pagyoyosi kase nasimulan ku na daw, pero i dont belive in that statement. para saken nasa sa tao padin yan. mind over body lang yun.
nung nagwork ako sa mf, sobrang dae ng pressure saken dun.. that time, bumili ulet aku ng lighter, pero this time iba pinaramis ku. gagamitin ku lang ung lighter na un pag feeling ku super strees na ku, mai nakalagay pa nga dun sa lighter na "over work". un, literally, pagfeeling ku over work na ku, that's the time that ill lit a cig. and it worked out. paggumigimik aku nun, yun dun lang aku nakakadame ng yosi. pero on the ordinary days, i would never.
madame na ku natikman na yosi pero si pareng philip morris lang talaga ang da best para saken...:) nakakapagtaka lang kung baket pagnalalaman nila ni philip brand ku natatawa sila, they even told me "pokpok kba?" nyeee.. pokpok lang ba mai karapatan at dapat magyosi ng philip????
ALAK
nung unang beses akong uminom ng alak, natawa aku.. red horse un, new year kaya allowed kameng uminom, tska sa bahay namen un, highschool aku nun. out of curiosity sinubukan ku ubusin ung isang bottle ng RD, gumamit pa nga ku ng wine glass eh, right after kung maubos un, walei, plakda na aketch.as in, nung una hilo hilo lang pero paramis, nakatulog agad aku. lol. pero i never vomit:p
Hindi naman aku masyado nahihilig sa alak, maliban nalang din kung mejo mai problema or gumigimik, un lang, pero kung tutuosin, mas bet ku pa ang yosi.. hate na hate ku kase ang hang over. kaya as much as possible d aku nagpapakalango sa alak. ay, pati pala sobraaang makulet aku paglasing, as in. basta. i remember one incident. while i was in cebu for my onboard ojt, one time, we(my crewmates) had a feast, birthday ni mags:) grabe from morning to night nomo to the max. i started drinking gabe na, for some reason, it wasnt my intention naman talga na makipag inuman nu,(d nga ku mahilig magnomo right?) im sooo homesick that time that i just want to go home:(. aus naman nung una, shot dito shot dun, pa yosi yosi pa and it was late when i caught myself tipsy, no im sooo wasted!! from shot-to pitcher na inum ku.. nobody can control me, as in nobody! nagstroll pa kme, sabe nila pagnahanginan daw aku babalik daw aku sa katinuan, pero tae lang ung nagadvice nun, coz it didnt work out, instead mas naging worst pa ku, natatandaan ku naman everything that happened that night, d ku lang talga makontrol ung self ku. pumunta pa kame sa diskuhan(diskuhang province ah) and believe it or not, inagaw ku atensyon nilang lahat, hay! grabe talga(buti nlng nobody recognizes me there). pagdating naman namen sa barko, lahat sila aligaga, d nila talga alam gagawin nila saken, since i was the youngest, they treated me like a princess. angkulet lang, first time ku magsuka nun at ung may birthday pa nasukahan ku. swerte lang..the day after that incident, instant celeb aku, everybody knows it, pati ung owner nung shipping lines, akala ku nga machuchugi na ku nun eh, pero luckily im not:))hay basta to see is to believe.. haha.. kaya ayaw ku din talaga ng alak.
it came to the point din na i thought ALAK lang ang way just to scape with my problems, to somehow forget them, but it was a wrong thought though. uo for a while,mkakalimutan mu, pero pagbumalik kna sa katinuan mas mareeralize mu lang na pinaworst mu lang ang everything. dapat ang problema hinaharap yan!!
madali aku malasing sa hard, malakas aku sa beer:) favorite ku:tequilla sunrise, mixiquilla and grenadine + the bar:))(so far ah)
GIMIK
gimikera? d naman, d pa naman aku umaabot sa super level na un sa ngaun.. d ku padin nararanasan pumasok sa super class A na bars. in the future ill try that. wala lang, nacucurios lang. ang pinakagusto ku paggumigimik aku is that i can have lots and tons of friend in just a snap. kaya nga perfect place din saken ang bar pagstress and im feeling blue. ung dancefloor, ung malalakas at mga magagandang sounds, ung mga nakakarelax na bands + the cool ambiance + instant flings= perfect!.. #1 rule ku naman paggumigimik is that, ayaw ku ng picture, for me kase, what happens in gimik stay only there, ayaw ku ng remembrance ayaw ku ng evidence.. haha.. weird ba? im not proud with it kase pati ung mga ganung moments for me, should not be cherish anymore.. one thing more, sinisikap kung umuwi sa bahay namen at hindi kung san san. natatawa nga ku kase mas focuse and matino aku pag oras na ng uwian, kahit ganu kalayo pa yan sa bahay namen at kahit ganu aku ka waisted, nakakauwi padin aku. one time nga, nanggaling pa ku sa bandang north, sa sobrang kabado ku, ung atm ku pati ung pera ku nilagay ku sa sapatos ku, just incase baka maholdap aku.. meron pa galing akung qc, un wasted din kso i have to go home, ayaw ku sana magtaxi sayang pera, buti naman mabait ung driver nung taxi na nasakyan ku, may discount pa ku. nakakatawa ung mga ganung eksena nu, nakakatakot pero nakakathrill.. exciting:)
as of now, among those bars ive been through, i must say, cuba's my favorite:)
*sometimes, doing forbidden things would cause you pleasure, whats important is that you should also know your limitations or else be ready for the consequences..
aikatz:)
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