09-15-14 11:21pm
Update update din pag may time :)

Well, hi there. Its getting late. My sched tom is 6am hay! I need to sleep na, and all of a sudden I cant fall asleep, why oh why?! Sooo, what to talk to? uhm......
Lets just start with my career..
Its doing really good but most of the time I get used with it. It comes to the point that I dont want to go work, tinatamad na ku ng malala.Ung feeling na paulet ulet nlng lahat. I want a new thing, new world. I know it takes lots of effort to achieve it. Right now, Im supah thinking how to start a new career. Dati mas gusto ku na maglandbase coz I wanna be out of the Philippines for a couple of years, coz of what happened(i mean Rob issues) Ung mga times that Im sooo sooo bitter pa! haha. But then again I come think of what I really want before the issue happened. That time ang main target lng ng life ko is to be on a cruiseship, and thats what Im going to do. After October 31, 2014 Ill be starting to pursue that. SWEAR! Ive got the lists of the shipping lines that I must try. hehehe #faith nga dba?! You'll probably asking why I had that particular date? Coz that is the exact 2years of working on shangri-la :) Akalain mu un? I survived for that loooooong. Theres no such thing for God and for yourself if u want something :) Ayyy, today is the start of our housekeeping week, and it was my off today. So unfortunately I wasnt able to see the opening. Well, they schedule different programs for the whole week, but what am I waiting for is the event on Friday(I think so!) coz they'll be throwing us a cocktail party, plus, my colleagues are going to perform some intermission number. hahaha. isnt it so fun?? dont worry I'll document it and state it here after a few weeks. :)

bout fambam :)
Well, its all good, honestly not so good, there were stil some unfinished issues with us, but I know we love each other. I like being with them everyday. Living with them is soo sooo much a blessing for me, not everybody have to live with their own families, like some of my colleagues, they used to live on their own, sometimes its good coz they have their own time, living independent, but me, id rather stay with them as much as I can do, coz someday, It'll be not like this anymore, right? when I have to leave. :) I spent my wholeday today with them. And it really feels soooo gooooooood. Thank you Lord God :)
Next time I'll share some videos with my lil sis and niece. I havent save it yet on my laptop, Next time na eefort sarap na ng higa ku eh. hehehe


bout Rob....
Ehem. well, still the same stat we had. Next month will be his 5th attempt na ata on taking the board exams. well, told him not to give up and try and try until he succeed. I dont know whats in his mind, but whatever it is, Im supporting him 101%, I know he has his own plans in his life. Still love him, yea I still. But what we are now, is I think the best sat we can ever have right now. He already changed his phone # since Liz started txting him again, Then, a couple of days ago called me and says I am chatting with Cathy. At first I really got mad, Nasa isip ku nun, The more I keep myself away from them, the more they come closer. I dont have any idea how did it happened. I never disturbed that girl. Who is she?! After that, I didnt answer all of Rob's call. Then talked to him again after a couple of days. He apologized alot. After that incident, as much as possible I dont want to talk to him more until now. Just want to somehow give space for him to think and so do I. I just want him forget everything and focuson his exams. ayyy.. wanna put our video last time we had our gimmik happened last August 15, 2014 at giligans crossing, same restobar where we first had our gimmik(cuba pa ung name nya date)..

Soorry mejo haggard and wasted the both of us, but sure thing I had much fun that time. Grabe as in,after a month nagkita kame nyan. We talked about everything, and ung mga ibang sinabe nya first time nya bonggang shinare, I dunno really if he was just drank kaya nya nasabe un, but I can really feel that its from his heart. This crazy picture pa. hehehe

I know, were not gonna have a chance to stay together, I mean dadarating din ung time na hinding hindi na magkukrus ung landas namin, and so ang gusto ku lang to make memories, good memories with him, I loved this guy so much lalo na before, sobrang pagmamahal binigay ku sa kanya, and at the same time this guy hurt me alot, super alot, sobrang laki ng naging impact nya sa life ku I can totally say that, and ang gusto ku lng is to remember all the good things that we had, forget the bad ones, para din sa motivation ku to continue my life even without him. I know everything has a purpose on why it is happening, Basta I'll keep lang on trusting God. That's what matters the most :)

You know what Im sooo sooo much thankful right now, I couldnt ask for more, but to be just thankful, I trust myself, for I while I had lost everything, but now I can totally say that one by one, its all coming back to me. Love you Lord :)

sooo TOMORROW is another day, Ill just continue this later on but for now,I want to sleep na. :) 

aikatz     -SMILLING :)

Yow. Uhm today. I slept late last night and woke up feeling great, after how many days Im back to work, I missed doing my daily working routines Just when i saw a text mgs from Rob. Actually its six msgs. telling why did I told Liz about his son. Seriously, I was shocked. What was that? i never ever talked to that girl since the revelation days. I told Rob it wasnt me. but hetold me na I was just the one who knows bout it, thats why he's pointing me. From then, I immediately check my fb account and boom! I was right, Liz had left a long and sooooo strange msg on me telling she knows the truth already. Gotta! she's stalking my fb, and now my blogsite. Ive seen from the history of the people who views my account :) haha. And shes sooo indenial bout it. Honestly, I dont feel like doing this blog today. All that happened today made my day already. But I have to do this. (Ill write more in here right?)

Sooo un na nga, She dont stop from sending msg. At first, ayoko tlga patulan, kaxe in the first place kung wala na sya pakialam kay Rob, d nya dapat ginagawa to, and kung para naman sa clarification, why is she asking me bout the infos of the rumored son of Rob, sabe nya nakausap na nya c cathy, soo why kailangan pa nya ku isali. He humiliated me alot

Asan and defensive and desperate dun. she asked me a question, sinagot ku lng naman.Normal akung kausap nya. Siguro sobra lng ung galit nya, feeling nya pagalit ku din sinasabe lahat. Kung galit aku dat time sana may exclamation point dba.Isip din.
Pero pinalalagpasku lng padin sya un, sabe ku nga say what she wants to say, di ku sya aawatin dun, eh dinadamay na nya parents ku! the fuck! ibang isapan na un, Mess with me, fine. But mess with my family, duh ur dead. Binalaan ku pa sya ng maayos na wag nya idamay ang parents ku. Pero sinubukna nya ku lalo..

Kung di nya lng dinamay ung parents ku, kung nilawakan lang nya ung pagiisip nya, di na kame magbabatuhan ng masasakit na salita. I felt sorry din naman, kaxe nagpadala aku sa emotions ku, magulang ku na dinadamay nya eh. Kelan man di aku naniniwala na nakasalalay sa mga magulang kung anung kalalabasan ng kanilang anak, bakit may mga mabubuti namang magulang pero kriminal ang mga anak nila. at may mga krimnal na magulang na mabubuti ang anak nila.Para sakin nasa pagkatao mu yan,wala pdeng ibang sisihin kundi ang sarili mu kung anu ang mga kinahihinatnan ng buhay mu. At kung iniisip nya na ubod at sukdulan ang pagkasama ku, well. Pareho kaming wlang alam na pinagsabay kame ni Rob, Nung nalaman ku lahat ng truth, REVENGE lang ang naiisip ku that time.Ayoko maging masya si Rob that time,bulag aku sa lahat ng taong nasa paligid namin, basta ang gusto ku maghganti. Aminado at sobrang aminado aku dun, malaki ang kasalang nagawa ku nun. Pero kaya nga nagconfess aku sa kanya eh, dahil panahon na un para itama lahat ng mali. Ayoko sisisihin ang sarili ku habambuhay dahil lang sa pagkakamali kong un.Tama na ung nagsisi aku, gumawa aku ng paraan para mabago at ngayon tapos na yon, Im starting to life my life trying to change for a better person. And that's to show Rob na kahit anu man nangyari sa nakaraan, may chance pa sya, di pa huli lahat. Kaya aku di bumibitaw sa kanya, kase naisip ku aku ung way ni God for him to realize all of his wrong deeds. And sooo far, nakikita ku un sa kanya. Ung mas malapit kay God, nakikita kung gusto na din nya ayusin ung sarili nya. Nakikita ku ung progress nya. He listen worship songs in the morning. Malaking pagbabago un sa kanya, ikinagulat ku tlga. I still love him uo, but Im not assuming na kami as lovers, gaya nga ng sabe ku paulet ulet. I dont know whats gonna happen in the future. Ayoko, at hindi tama na ipagpatuloy namin ung relationship ngayon dahil di un ang tama. Lahat ng tao sa paligid ku at nya tutol samin. sobra. alam ku un. Ang gusto ku lang matulungan sya. Alam ku d din naman aku naging mabuting gf sa kanya. Pero sya masasabe ku na tumutulong skin pagmay problem aku, nagaadvice kumikilos, sobrang daming memories namin together na sobrang good and masaya. I never felt that kind of love from any other people Ive known. He undestands me alot, take cares for me alot. Sobrang iniintindi nya ku if I want something. That feeling, di mu masasabe na peke, coz I feel that the love was genuine. Nararamdaman kung may pinanghuhugutan sya sa mga pinagdaanan nya from his past. I still believe na may pag asa pa sya. Madami ng sumuko sa kanya, pero I wouldn't. Minahal ku sya, first true love pa nga eh. Ayoko matapos ang lahat sa bitterness. Madami syang itinuro at still tinuturo sakin sa buhay. Kung desperada akung maging kame sana tinanggap ku na ung proposal nya nung may 10, before his bday, sana may anak na kame ngaun, or sana magkasama na kame together sa iisang bahay ngaun. Ung ang desperate. but Im not,Id rather let things to happen on God's way. Magtiwala ka lang Liz, I know kung ganu kasakit ung nararamdaman mu ngayon, but it will heal eventually. Pag tinanggap mu sa sarili mu. Wala na kame magagawa ni Rob sa mga nangyari sa past. Wala rin kameng magagawa kung di mu kami mapapatawad.

Habang nasa bus aku pauwe, naisip ku eto nanman, magulo, same feeling a couple of months ago, pero dapat nga ba aku magpaapekto dahil sya paulet ulet bumabalik sa nakaraan? I guess not. Kaxe aku alam ku kung nasang part na ku, and sooo I change my mood into a good one. Baka this is just God's test how much Ive faith on Him that I have. And atsome point, nagpatalo nanman aku,coz lumevel aku sa galit na nararamdaman ni Liz, pumatol aku sa kanya, w/c I could avoided, If only she didn't involve my parents. hay! Cguro kulang pa ung tiwala, Ill push it more next time may mga gantong situations :)
I txted Rob, told him napatulan ku si Liz, We talked bout it and we had plans already. :) Sakin nlng muna un. I feel much better right now. :) That's y I love blogging. :)


got to go.Its getting late. I have work tomorrow :)

aikatz still fighting

Hi there. yes you :) Well, Im sooo much happy today. And totoo nga ung do what make you happy. It was my off today and yesterday. Yea, yesterday I went to Pampanga to see him, Rob. Are we together? For me were not, for sure sa kanya din not. I just dont want to make things complicated. He's my happiness right now, and I know there's nothing wrong with that. Di naman ako committed and so he was. I dont mean having relationship with him right now, or maybe in the future, kung un ang mangyayari nga, Ijust want to enjoy the circumstances that I'll be spending with him. (andaw?) Uhm then going back to the story, I went there yesterday morning and we cooked lumpiang shanghai. It was his request, I told him aku magluluto, but when I was there cooking na, di daw nya matiis not to help me. That's one thing I like bout him, di sya sanay ng aku lang kumikilos, kaya ung dapat specialty ku sana, aun naging bonding na namin together. It was good, really good. Spending a day with him is worth it. Nandun din sa bahay nya ung isang kaboardmate and workmate nya,I kept on teasing him na jowa nya un, hahaha he's sooo yamot. I always do that, tease that he's a gay. When I was about to go homw that afternoon, I was @victory terminal when the heavy rain suddenly poured. It was past 6pm, I wasn't able to meet the 6pm ride to pasay so I have to wait for the other bus. Being stuck on that situation is crazy.From then, I thought to myself that I'll never go home late. I guess I just missed Rob that I extend the hours of being with him, and so I had paid the prize. Rob wasn't able to take me to the terminal coz he has a work. So unfortunately, I wasnt able to go home last night. I went back to Rob's house and slept there, even when he's not there. haha. I had a hard time catching my sleep the whole night. Namamahay at the same time Ro'bs not there. Im not used to it. Early in the morning Rob arrived. Breakfast together,slept again and woke up @11:30 am. He asked kung gusto ku daw ihatid nya ku ah. wow. that's abig wow. sabe ku wag na! Di naman sya sanay maghatid hatid eh, he insisted. haha anu kaya nakaen nun. We went to nepo mall(hha weird ng name nu, mall un sa angeles.) may kinuha lng then headed to Dau. Hay! I dont know why, bat kaya ung mga particular place pagnapupunthan or nakikita mu again, you remember somethings that had happened there?! I remember nung sinabe nya na last na namin pagkikita un, ung street na nadaanan namin kanina. Nagflashback nanman skin ung past. I know I shouldnt mind it,I'll leave the past behind na dba... hmmm change topic. Then un na nga, he made hatid me sa terminal ng Dau. hahaha.Wanna share lng this pic of him, sabe ku picturan ku muna sya before he go, then video pala ung naclick ku.. hahha

Ang pogi nya sa shot na yan nu.. hahaha.. I still love that guy. I dont know until when or if I can forget him pa.Atleast now I realized not to force everything. If kame talaga then kame, If not then God has a plan for me. Basta sinabe ku naman sa kanya nung gumimik kame last time na after 3years, pagnapursue ku ndin ung career ku, hahanapin ku sya, pag single padin sya by that time di ku na sya papakawalan pa. That is 3years from now. hayyyyy! anu kaya mga mangyayari nun nu??? Its for me to find out.

Hay! off ku nanman ata ulet bukas. grabe. Wala nanman dutyness! haha. Got to go.

Basta faith lang everything happens for there are reasons behind it. God has plans for me :) Dream big! Make it happen :)

aikatz muaaaaaa