Time heal wounds 💜 (past vs present)

Hi there. Its been a while since my last post here. Pinlano ko ulet buhayin ang aking blog site Pero naunahan ako ng katamaran. But since, one year na ko dto sa Bahrain officially today, I have to do something na malapit sa passion ko. And to start, I will tell my recent experience regarding sa pakikipagusap ko sa EX ko. Yes/ not just ex but my first love as well. I had a crazy stage of moving on with him, I did loved him so much, ung pagmamahal na wagas, unstopable. Naloko ako, wagas din 😂😂😂 and it made me think that my life was totally ruined. Then I decided to come here in Bahrain. Nung first months ko, struggle bukod sa homesick mas lalo ako naparanoid coz I'm far away from him, ung bisyo ko na habulin sya di ko magawa dito. All I can do is to stalk on his Facebook account, which I made a fraud account pa para LNG ma-add sya at makita what he's up to. And found out he has a girlfriend na, it s*cks men! Every time magpost sya ng picture with the new girl, it hurts me to the bone. Paulit ulit ko din denedeactivate ung fraud account to stop this crazy thing, Pero wala inaactivate ko pdin. Para syang bisyo tlga, di ko mapigilan. But then one day, God changed everything. Di ko din maexplain how did it happen, Pero He send me this guy to love me, guide me, tell me that I'm wrong, showing me what is right and everyday I feel like I'm learning, I'm becoming a good version of myself. From lasingera, lakwatsera, walang pakialam sa suot at sasabihin ng ibang tao, I mean I can't explain right now exactly what I want to say, but I can feel it from within. Now, I can totally say what's a priority and not for me. And most especially he's bringing me closer to God. Yes, he's not perfect, were both not perfect, were doing mistakes also, but the thing is we put God as the center of our relationship. Oppps, going back to the ex/firstlove issue. Un nga, so I must say nakamove on na ko from the love and pain he cause me. But few months ago, he started giving msgs on my fb messenger, nangangamusta ba. I felt bother why suddenly I got excited. That time, curiosity hits me a lot kaya aun, si reply naman ako, usual talks. He has a gf, I have a bf. So I'm thinking there's nothing wrong plus the fact na our conversation goes like this lang ("kamusta?" "Okay LNG, ikaw?" "Okay LNG din, yngat ka Jan ah" "sure" "kelan ka uwe?" "2017 pa, next year pa" ) something like that. Not until last June, he told me there's no forever and telling they broke up. First, little excitement nanman. And keep asking myself if I still have feelings for him. He started telling he misses me, we talked about the things we used to do before. It felt like I miss him as well, but I never tell him so, coz if I do, its like I'm cheating with my current bf. Then, we continued chatting until early this month. But its not the every minute, everyday chatting, its like 2-3 times a week. But still confuse why I'm still doing this. Until last week I asked him some favor, like if he can send some surprise to mom at work since he's just within that area. At first, I'm 100% sure he wouldn't do it, but I'm so amused he said yes. Wow that's actually wow. He's willing to make efforts huh, but then when I told him how much do I have to pay for him delivery efforts he tells like this:

Probably at first, its also my intension to do this so we have something to talk about, I mean so atleast continuously we can talk. And figured out about this weird feeling I had. But just 4days ago, after talking to him I started to think if is it really worth it to put him back on my life? Why I'm doing this? I also felt like I'm cheating already with my bf. Coz I lied to him when he asked me who will do the surprise for my mom. At tska puro English na ko ah. Kaya pala nagiistruggle ndin ako. Hahaha un nga. Di na ko makatiis and kinausap ko si Mahal, since from day one we clearly want an honest relationship, no secrets no lying. And I felt like I'm guilty. Sinabe ko sa kanya the whole story, nastutter ang Mahal ko. Di DW sya makapaniwala na nagawa ko un, Pero ma's lalo ako humanga sa Mahal ko ng nasabe nya lahat sa napaka mahinahon na paraan, I can see he's hurting, mangilidngilid ang luha but still manage to smile on me, samantalang ako, pag may onti LNG syang di nagawa halos magwala na ko ng wagas. And then napagtanto ko gano ko kamahal ng taong to, that I can't afford to waste this love he has for me. 💜 Ung lalaking nagsave sakin sa tuluyan Kong pagkawasak, nagpa ramdam sakin that I'm still worth it to be loved by somebody, ung nagtutuwid ng landas ko, I can't do this to him, coz I know what it feels to be cheated on, to be lied onto, to left hanging alone. I asked for forgiveness, he told me he can give it without even a second word, Pero ung trust daw, he's asking how can he be sure that next time di ko na gagawin sa kanya un. Kung gusto ko padin iChat si ex/first love magagawa ko pdin un kahit pa sabihin ko naibloblock ko na sya. He asked me if Mahal ko padaw ba. If OO hahayaan nya naman DW ako, he will set me free without bitterness, coz he wants me to be happy.😀 Inisip ko din un , baka nga awa LNG ung nararamdaman ko sa kanya  coz he's loving me so much. Pero Hindi eh, mas narealized ko na mas Mahal ko sya, mas minamahal pa. That night nabuo lahat ng katanungan ko. Siguro nga nagduda ako kung there is still love for ex. Pero wala cguro part lang un ng pagbuo sa lahat ng sugat ko sa kanya. Honestly now I can say 100%, I don't love my ex/firstlove anymore. Yes I do believe that first love never dies, it simply changes the love you had for them. 💜 So from love as partner to love as a friend. Sometimes first love can hurt you deeply but then he can be a hero one day in your life. I asked permission to my Mahal if I can still talked to my ex regarding the surprise for my mom thing, and he supported me a lot. I tried looking for options, but no I don't have time anymore to look for any other person to do it. I think about getting involve my sibblings but they're all busy with work, some friends but its too far from the area, sya na talaga ang tinadhana. Haha. Sobra naman tlga ako nagpapasalamat Kay ex, di man nya sakin nagawa ang effort na ganito, nagawa naman nya para sa mama ko. Credits to my ex/firstlove:

And its a success! My mom got surprised 🙌💕🎊🎈✌🎂🎁😄 thank you ex/firstlove. Hero for a day! This will never worked out without you. Godbless you 😇 Now I can say panahon talaga ang kaylangan para maka get over sa lahat ng pain ko from you. And now, I feel the whole process is over.


So now I clearly make sure that my current bf feels that he's the love of my love now. Yes, trust, its so had to build and yet it can easily be gone in just a snap of the finger. I'm doubling my efforts for my Mahal now. All I wanna do is to love him uncoditionally  💜 regardless of our differences, even he's not the most handsome, sexiest, hot, richest guy in town. I'm falling in love with his soul which I know makes me more closer to heavenly things and not just earthly things. 💕💕💕

Looking for forward to put more blog post soon 😀😀😀😀

Aikatz

Love has no boundaries 💝💝💝

Hi there. How are you? I made this blog entry to tell how much love change my own beliefs and opinions in life. Katulad mo, never ever ko din naisip mainlove sa foreigner. Uo, napaguusapan paminsan, but its not like Im gonna do it someday. Until I met him.

It all started when I finally decided to go here in Bahrain. Malayo at ibang iba sa Pinas, but I never force myself to easily fall inlove with somebody. Since Im still broken hearted by that time from my first love. Loving was least of my priorities. But I guess, ganun naman talaga un, pag di mo ineexpect dun sya dumadating. He is my workmate. It started as good friends. Some point, I admire him. He is one of those people who trained me, since Im new. He is so kind and not the bossy type. He lets me know everything that I should learn including the standards ng hotel. We used to talk casual until he calls me on the phone. One day he showed me my solo pic and his in one love collage. Hahahaha. That sure thing made me laugh and made me think he is crazy. I dont know why but he really got my attention since then. Then, he asked me what does "mahal" means coz ate Lucille (pinay workmate) always calls everybody with that. When he found out the meaning he always calls me that way too. Everynight we used to chat on viber, I was a bit turned off coz most of the grammar or spelling is wrong. There is really something different bout him that mades me feel not to ignore or taken for granted him. Until I just woke up one morning realizing how important he is on me. Maybe because hes always there when I need somebody to talk to. He can listen to me whatever drama I had. Specially those days coz Im still adjusting to the environment here. He always tells how much he loves me, how Im starting to change his life, he even told me that Im his first love, specially when talking on the phone. He never force me to love him just as he loves me, he knows exactly what happened on my past relationship and hes willing to wait. Until.....
Oct. 07, 2015
I dont know whats sooooo special that day aside from thinking bout him. I just dont know. I decided to write a letter for him, sinulat ko lang lahat ng nasa puso ko and I ended up saying yes to him. That same day I gave him the letter. I kept asking him if he already read the letter, but always says not yet. When he got home, he called me, feeling sooo surprised and excited. And soooo were officially together. We kept it to everybody coz we dont want those unwanted issues. It wasnt never easy. And from then mas marami pa palang susubok sakin, samin.

First date
We finally decided to go on a date. I never felt scared at all. I trust him fully. Except the fact na mejo ayyy I mean super na turned off ako that night. He fetch me 3 blocks from my home. Since baka nga daw may makakita samin na kawork at maissue. He doesnt like gossips and rumors thats why he can never send and fetch me door to door. We crossed the street without even looking after me, as in kanya kanya. I was like?? "Hello, gf mo ko, baka gusto mo ko alalayan sa pagtawid" but I just made dedma rather than telling. Another thing is that I can smell him slightly B.O. and strong perfume (major turned off) and the most kagimbal gimbal issue is that he confess to me that he cannot write and read english. And I was like.... seriously?????????!!!!!!!!!!! We promised to each other that we will not lie and soo he confess it to me as early as then. I told him I cant love him anymore. Whats on my mind that night is what other people will say if I go with this kind of man, who doent even know how to read and write. Nobody will allow me to get into this relationship. I asked him what does he want from me, I even told him that maybe hes just after sex. My heart really melted when he told me he loves me. He simply want to love me with all of his heart. That even if I dumped him that same night he would still look after me, still care and love me. He can prove to me that his intension for me is good.

This was our very first picture together. 

Even if there is some doubts on my mind,I keep getting to know him more. And as the days go by. I can really feel that he really loves me. I can tell him everything to him without even judging me. He let me feel like hes my bestfriend, my protector, my adviser. 

First time I saw him crying

I kept asking myself how did I got into this situation. Why did I choose to love this guy. Is love just enough?? Days, months passedby. Im really falling inlove with him. Ung feeling na my day is not enough pag di ko sya nakausap. At first inisip ko feeling ko lng siguro, coz he spoils me alot. Pero hindi eh. There is really love. Pero as what they`ve said, there is no perfect love. Meron at meron kayong magiging conflict. At di madali. 

Love is a sacrifice. 

Nung una, di ko naisip na madami kameng pagkakaiba. Ang alam ko lang is muslim sya, catholic ako. But I always ended up telling to myself that atleast we both believe in God. Thats what matters. But then, dumadating talaga sa point na lalabas at lalabas ung pagkakaiba nyo.

 *First he told me that I should never wear shorts or skirts or anything that shows my skin, specially my legs. 

>okay. I can. No problem.

 * I should never shout or talk loud or laugh loud in public places. 

>oh well, this is sooo me. But I can. No problem.

* I should not talk to the boys much. Not even going out.

>this sounds OA, but Im controlling. I can still.

*I should deacctive my fb account

>it took as a bit discussion but both ageed that I will just minimized upload pictures instead of deactivating. Okay. I can. 

 *Whats his decision is both our decision. 

>oopps this is too much. this time it got into my nerves. There is one incident that we go out, we already planned that we will try some local foods( kabab) and sheesha. He really wont allow me to have sheesha but since makulit ako, I keep insisting until I convinced him that it would be the first and last. After eating, we passedby to the kubos store. Id love eating that and so we stopped and bought some. As soon as we got the kubos, we need to keep walking since pagabe na nga. I told him I want to eat while walking. He wont allow me coz masama daw ang kumakaen habang naglalkad. But I dont want, I told him mas masarap kaini un pagmainit. But hes not listening to me. Until he told me were not going to the have sheesha. I really got angry, since sabe ko nga it was planned already tas magdedecision sya na wag nalang. What is this. That time I felt like im a robot. That he will dictate me all the things thati should do and not. We really had a huge fight that time. Althought it was jus me whos really making it big deal. Kahit anong suyo nya skin that time inis talaga ako. Dun ki naisip na tama ba na pinasok ko tong relationship na to. Coz Im starting to feel that it was not me anymore. Andami na nyang binabago skin. I broke up with him that time. I even told him to walk away from me, but he didnt. He even send me home. Then as I told him stop following me, I saw his eyes crying. That time naguilt namam ako and shocked. Coz di ako makapaniwala that he is crying infront of me. Dun ko narealized na iba sya. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ung gabeng un. 

Shall continue.............

First day in Bahrain

Hi. Finally Im here in Bahrain na. Thank God. Well, first time ko din sumakay ng plane. How's the experience? At first I was amazed coz the fact na nasa ere ako at naisip ko ang galing ng pilot to manuever the whole craft, but as soon as nakita kong palayo na ko sa Pinas, somehow it made me feel sad. While in the air, mas naisip ko na mas magaling pdin si God, coz nakita ko ung creation nya from above, ang ganda, kitang kita ko ung mga island, ung bodies of water, kahit gabe sya I totally appreciate it. Around 8hrs ung byahe namin from Manila to Abu dhabi.

That was my batchmates. Iba iba kme ng positions at ng hotel assignments, were all 19. Tired and puyat but sure thing were all excited :)

We waited for 3hrs for our flight to Bahrain. Abu dhabi's airport is good. Spacious and they have a free wifi, so we didnt felt much boredom waiting for our flight. After 1 1/2 hrs, fibally we reached Bahrain and headed to our accomodations. I never knew that it was hot outside, it was my first time to feel that. This is what my accomodation looks like:

And these are the views from the terrice:

Shall continue this later...

My Plan VS. God's Plan

Aug. 16, 2015
Hi there. Kamusta? As I promise, I'll be back to write more posts. :)
Well, Im here to tell my personal experiences on how did God changed my life. I know, for others it may sound strange and OA, but this is just my own sharings and realizations that Ive never seen before. In the end, its up to you what you want to believe in. My main purpose is to inspire others :) Keep the Faith!

I grew up believing that there is God, Im a Roman Catholic. I rarely go to church and prays when needed. Iam not a religious type. I have a strong personality. I do plan things ahead of time. Para sakin, Lahat ng bagay pinaplano, coz Im afraid to commit mistakes. I have my own rules, my path, my goals at un lang ang mahalaga sakin. that was me 5 years ago. Tiwala ako na with that attitude, I know Im on the right track although I did always ask for His guidance. My top goal is to work on a cruiseship! as in. To go to Europe!that was everything to me. Ung feeling na nabubuhay lang ako just to fulfill that. sounds OA but its true. (refer on my other blogposts). Sabe nga nila, theres no elevator to succes, you have to take the stairs, and so I did. After graduating a vocational course, I start looking for experiences, at dahil ayun ang requirement para makaapply sa cruise. From Marie France to Makati Shangrila. I feel more confident those times, kasi naachieve ko ung path na gusto ko at the same time, sobra akong nageenjoy sa life ko. Mas lalo ako naniniwala na pag gusto mo makukuha mo. Until I fell inlove, sobrang nilabanan ko sya at first, coz according to my rules, bawal ako mainlove at magcommit, coz makakasira un sa goal ko. But it did happened, at sobrang nawala ako sa sarili. I got totally lost. But dahil nga nagmamatapang ako, ayun, pinilit kong bumangon ON MY OWN. Nabasa ko ung mga past blog entries ko dito sa blogsite ko tas naalala ko ung goal ko, and so back to business. Dun ko lng din narealized that I was working with Shang for two years na, and so I started applying for my goal, cruise. Until he(my ex) came back again to me, I kept on forgiving him, over and over again even if he does the same mistakes. Mahal ko sya sobra at mahal ko din pangarap ko. Di din naman ako nabigo nun, coz I finally got a YES to jebsen, finally! and had him still(kahit sobrang gulo ng status namin). Mas super umapaw ung confidence ko nun, feeling ko okay na ko. I didnt continue my contract at shang since tiwala ako na makakaalis na ko soon. I start taking the trainings and requirements needed. Nung time na yon, masaya ako coz after 5years, finally I saw my plans coming into reality. I dont have any idea na it was just the beginning of a total reconstruction of my life......

Days, weeks and months passby, the moment of truth. I compiled all the requirements needed, just when Jebsen told us na mapepending kame, they do not know kung kelan pa kame makakaalis and worst is that they were telling us to try applying to the other shipping agencies. That time, gumuho ung mundo ko. Then he(my ex) starts telling me that hes courting a girl. + Im having several fights with my siblings + I got no job, so it means no money + I got fewer friends(di ko din alam bkit) basta everything in just a snap parang nawala sakin. As in. Feeling ko luging lugi ako. I was down with nothing. I dont know what to do. I start being depress. Minsan naiisip ko nun, whats the sense of life nga ba? Kung maachieve ko o hindi ung dreams ko whats next? Im starting to question my purpose, even my worth. I start questioning myself kung bakit nangyayare these such things. I know this sounds weird, but one night I dreamed of me and my family, its judgement day. I was really worried, I ask my mom, "Ma, end of the world na". The skies are low with starts tas may mga balls of fire na bumabagsak, theres flood outside our house, I am soo worried, ung di tlga ako mapakali, then theres this big wall, super big wall sya, tas andaming taong gustong makarating dun sa kabilang part. While in the middle of panicking may manong sa likod ko kinalabit ako, saying this: "bat ka nagpapanic? Diba ito na un hinihintay natin, Dahil ba marami kang kinakatakot dahil sa mga ginawa mo? Dapat magtiwala lang tayo, di tayo papabayaan ng Diyos." then the manong leave. I saw myself just standing realizing the things Ive done here on earth. I got curious why I dreamed of that. Eto na ba ung sign ni God for me to call onto Him? I start praying paginaatake ako ng anxiety, it works until nagsa-Sunday mass na ko, nung time na yon laging sakto sakin ung sermon ng pari. The first time I attended, ung issue is about family, that time sobrang may struggle sa family ko especially with me and my younger bro, then I almost cried dun sa mass, di ko din maexplain why, pero siguro ayon ung sinasabe nilang tagos sa puso na emotion, ung touched by God tlga :) Then un na nga, habits, mejo binago ko,less social networks, mejo workout, mejo ayos ng bahay. For a while effective sya, mejo nawawala na ung anxiety ko. But totoo din ung sinasabe nilang habang pinipili mong lumapit sa Kanya(God) tska ka naman mas lalong sinusubok, ginagamit ung mga tao sa paligid mo, dun ko mas lalong inisip at nagsimulang isabuhay ung words of wisdom ni God. Until that night, June 4, 2015. I watched that episode of 700 club asia, sobrang nakarelate ako sa issue nila that night, I was crying coz I felt that that episode was specially made for me, Mr. Peter Kairuz said "Kung di muna kaya, isuko mo kay God, coz you are not alone, alam ni God kung gano mo kinaya at dinala lahat, now its time for you to give it up to Him". And thats what I did, I did it with all my heart. The next morning, di ko akalain na may answer agad. Ang bilis.(refer to the previous blog). In the span of 2months, eto na ko. Paalis na. Dahil sa pagsuko ko ng lahat sa kanya, He gave me new path, new goal, new life. Pero just two weeks ago, Kung kelan settle na lahat. Jebsen called me, Alis na sana ako ng Sept. 12 + Pax cabin (cabin stewardess) ung position + all my papers sobrang ready to pass na, medical nalng kulang ko which is sagot pa ng company. Nung una, nanlumo ako, bumalik ung mga frustations ko, kasi that is my plan right? Di ko rin alam kung bakit, pero the way I talk to Ms. Aileen(fleet manager) Im sure that Im letting go that offer, I told here comitted na ko, ng walang pagaalinlangan. Naisip ko, maybe God is just testing me, kung ipagpapalit ko pa ba tong new path na binigay nya skin para sa luma kong pinakapinapangarap. I let go of my own plans, kung dati sobra ako magplano, ngayon NO, im not. Yes may mga plans pero di nakatulad nung dati na parang may blinders ako na focus lng sa goal, at pansariling kagustuhan lang. Now, Im more looking forward sa mga purposes ni God para sakin. May may mga tao na kong inienvolve sa plans ko, like my family, especially my parents, pati sa ibang tao, I want to help people. I want to know God more. Kung di dahil kay God, Im sooo nothing na ngayon, maaaring magtagumpay ako sa pagkamit ng mga pangarap ko nun pero I would still feel the emptiness, walang point ang life ko dati dahil punong puno ng makamundong bagay lang.

Andaming realizations sa life ko, every detail na pangyayari my dahilan si God. Sobrang walang wala ung plans ko compare to His, ngayon ko lang nadiscover nung hinayaan kong sya ang magdala sa life ko :) Just by trusting Him, pinapakita Nya sakin which path to go. I know its just the beginning nanman pagpunta ko sa Bahrain, but Im less worried coz I know anjan lang Sya for me, that feeling of security, hinding hindi matutumbasan ng kahit magkano un. Andami nagsasabe sakin, mahirap dun, ang liit lang ng sweldo, hindi ko kakayanin malamang, icancel ko na daw at ipush ung sa jebsen pero no I wont mind that all, Hindi lahat tungkol sa pera at sasabihin ng tao sakin. I trust God, may dahilan bat ako sa Bahrain mapupunta, at un ang aalamin ko. :)

For God, making mistake is not the issue, Ive learned that as human being its okay to make mistakes, but the thing is natuto ba tayo? Pinagsisihan ba natin? For as long as we dont learn the lesson, paulet ulet ulet ulet ulet ulet ulet nating kayang magawa un hanggang sa kasanayan na at mahirapan ng baguhin. But its never too late, help yourself. Trust Him and hold on. :)

God is love. God loves us unconditionally. Kaya dapat when we do love, wag tayong magbase sa kung ano lang ang kaya nyang ibigay na love, Love because you love, expect nothing in return. Para walang regrets. For love causes us to do specific acts of kindness, not just feel sympathetic. Love is not an emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. :)

Walking by Faith and not by sight. No matter how disastrous you think your life might be, Never ever think that its too late. Believe in His strength, madalas pag in the middle of crisis ka un na pala ung greatest calling mo. He can turn that in to something kaya Trust him fully.

I do believe in the goodness ng mga tao. Kahit kriminal pa yan, manloloko, sinungaling, basta naniniwala ako na may kabutihan pa sa puso ng bawat tao, siguro di lang natin makita kung minsan kasi nababalutan ng evil, pero anjan at anjan padin ya :)

I Love You Lord! I know anjan ang mga struggles at I will never ask for a problem free life, but I know that with your strength makakaya ko lahat :)

July 7,2015 3:23am

Whats on my mind and Whats on my heart. ❤

Hey! Its been awhile since the last wrote. Uhm. As you can see its 3am in the morning and Im sooo wide awake. Bakit nga ba?! Definitely I cant sleep. Nope actually I am about to sleep then naisip kong magblog. When I opened my blogsite, nagthrowback reading nanman ako then suddenly I felt my tears falling down, I am soo surprise to know that until now, there is still pain in me,I thought Ive moved on. Well, practically I am. I am so okay na today( no halong biro or etchos!). But as I read those stories again, for some reason naramdaman ko nanman that pain, I thought I got to overcome this na, since moved on na nga ku dba. Maybe there are things in life lang tlga na hinding hindi na dapat balikan. Hay! Bat ba kxe makulit ako. Why Im such a wonderer much, but to be honest, wala na ung bitterness of the past, no more those "cge pakatanga kpa aiah" stage. What am I talking about nanman ba?! Parang walang sense nu?! Or meron akong gustong ipoint out but I just cant express it. Basta un na un. Hehe

What's on my mind.
Well, anu nga ba?! Uhm uhm when will I leave kaya?! I mean the exact date. San ako pupunta? Bahrain,contract for two years, will be working on a hotel. Last year, or last last year, or even last 2,3,4 or 5 years ago, I never ever dream of working landbase, on middle east and for that 2long years. Its a big big as in major big no. But why Im settling for this now??? Ewan ko ba! Hehe di joke :). Well, such a long story. It was last June 4 of this year when I surrendered everything on Him (LordGod) I was in the middle of nowhere, no job, no money, had a bad relationship with my fam(sort of fights) uhm few friends, devastated from an unexpected change of plan(jebsen, di pa kame makakaalis coz still waiting for the need of the company) basta I felt really empty that time. The next day, it was a surprise. The only money left on my hand was 200+ php. I have to go to Tesda to file my cav, Heading to the office one of ex workmate texted me that they'll be going to Manila for some sort of job hunting(shipping agencies). Having a dilemma of coming with them or not, I told myself "Since 200+ php nlng ang money ko, I have to pay 140php sa Tesda for my cav, I will not go with them and go home instead, but God really made a way, surprisingly, the cashier just ask me to pay 30php and pay 100php on the DFA when my papers are ready to release. Indeed it was Gods plan, naisip ko kaya after that I headed to Manila and meet my colleagues. We went to Service On-line,an agency known by princess( my colleague) she told me that there is hiring for hotel jobs in Canada there, so we give it a shot.
Theres no open for Canada but instead for Bahrain only, this Elite Group from Manama Bahrain with chains of hotels there is currently in need of hoteliers and we were asked to go back there on Monday for the employers interview, I was not interested that time,since sabe ko nga I dont want that work, its out of my plan. But since I had two days to think about it. I did research all about bahrain, that elite hotels there and all of a sudden I accepted it, I wanted it and I love to be there,it just happened naturally. That Monday, it was the last day for the employers to do the interview and luckily I passed it. I come think na baka ito na nga un, eto na siguro ung para sakin. That it was all part of Gods plan for me. Wala akong bigat na nararamdaman the whole time na naginterview ako upto now na Im done with my medical and now processing my visa na,its all smooth sailing. From that span of a month nagkaroon ulet ng path ung life ko and nabawi lahat just because I surrendered eveything sa Kanya. Iba tlga pag may trust sa Kanya. Thank you Lord! :) Looking forward for your next plans for me. :)

What's on my heart....
Hehe. Ayiiiiee. Anu nga ba nasa puso ko. Oh baka naman sino. Heheheheh.
Well, sya padin?? Hehe uo. Syang sya. I wonder bat ganun. Lahat ng pwedeng gawin Ive done na just to forget him, d na naman ako like before na katangahan overload, nakamove on na ko sa paghope na meron p kameng chance, pero from a far I still do love him, ung gusto ku okay lng sya ke magkajowa man sya o wala. Basta ang kulet, hehe then sometimes, love is unfair. There is this one guy na nameet ko through common friends. He told me he likes me, wants to know me more, in short shows interest on me. But when I try to open myself for him,I just cant. Hes nice, kind, super gentleman in words and deeds but I dont feel anything for him. Then, khit I have told him that I had this epic fail relationship before, he just keep saying that it didnt bothers him and hes willing to help me get through with it. Dba. Bat ayoko tlga. And khit sino pang guy now ang makilala ku, I just cant feel that feeling of being excited or what, uhm mutual feeling for them. Maybe really time will tell, when will I ever fall inlove with someone again. That day when I dont love him anymore. That time that finally I can say that I cn let go of him,in my heart. I love you Rob, over and over but  this time, Im loving you from afar coz Im not gonna use my heart but instead I'll trust God. Nothing more,nothing less. ☝👌🙏💕
Isa pa, I'll explore pa the world sooo okay ng di muna dumating si Mr. Right. :)



Aikatz

3:45 am and Im wide awake. :0

Well, I cant sleep, as usual, thats why Im writing/typing, Just like what am I 2 years ago, puzzled and a bit curios whats gonna happen on me next, I mean, after shang. Ung feeling na eto na un eh, isang step nalang, and Im on what Ive been working on for 5 years, to be on a cruiseship. I know I work so hard just to make it happened, step by step. When I took that course(SRC-steward) last 2009, I never thought that I really do want to work on a cruise. But as what Ive said, God has plans and purpose why did I had to go though everything. Kaya all I have to do is just believe and trust Him, fully. Nasa final stage na, ngaun pba ako aatras?. hehe. Bout my life? Well, I can say that its not a 100% good, but atleast Im not giving up right? Totoo pla tlga that when you get older, mas nagiging serious na lahat, ung mga tao sa paligid mo eh panglong term na, Hay, non sense nanman ba ku? Let it be,ung feeling na may gusto aku iexpress but I cant elaborate it, hahhaha. Basta one thing is for sure, I still and always trust God no matter what happen. Un lang ang iisipin ku lagi.

Bout Rob.
haha. cge tawa, as what Ive said last december, last entry na un, well I guess not. You may think Im too much, pero ganun tlga eh. Ayoko magpakasinungaling sa sarili ko, that's what I feel eh, sana nga its all in my mind lang, but its not. Ayoko na magbigay ng taning sa self ku kung hanggang kelan, Let it be, as much that I want to. No worries, we were not together. He is courting his ex in Bicol na, By the way, he left Manila na, and stay there for good, while waiting for him to be assigned as a policeman. He left last Feb. 03, 2015. Well, I did felf bad, coz I would miss him much, and the chances of seeing him will be much more impossible now. But at the same time, happy coz I got a chance na makita pa sya before he left, he even helped me when I needed to, last Jan. 20 for my papers, I never expect it, na sya pa makakatulong sakin that day, and was willing to make efforts. We also watched "taken 3" after a week, that was the last time I saw him. I know, wala na akong ineexpect sa kanya, o samin, I love him, and no matter how much I prove it, it wont work, I understand na, I still have dreams to be achieved, goals to pursue, and so he was, ewan ko kung anong plans nya with his life now, we may cross different roads, atleast were okay, ayokong habang buhay itanim lahat ng galit ku sa knya coz it wont help me grow. Alam ku, sobra at higit na higit na sakit ang inabot ku sa kanya, and we cant change what he had done, pero I think ung forgiveness and acceptance ang unang makkapagpalaya sakin, he made me stronger, all the lessons na natutunan ku helped me alot to become a better me. Do I love him? yes i do, I really do, I can forgive him over and over again until he gets tired of fooling me and realize that I deserve his love, but thats not the case now, I have to think the people around me, my family, friends na binigo nya, sila naman ung bibigyan ku ng halaga this time, If he can still make them feel that hes worth it for me. But I know it wont happen, ever. Hay Rob, mahal kita, pero I trust God's will, Pinapasakanya ku na lahat, I know your a good person, I wont be inlove with you if your not. I know my deep pain ka lang sa heart mu, but I believe mabait ka, there is goodness in you. I love you. Sana maging happy ka always. firsttrue love ko :)



Sleepy head finally 4:11 am Goodmorning Easter Sunday! Good days are coming! thankyou LordGod <3


aikatzzzzzzz