Time heal wounds 💜 (past vs present)

Hi there. Its been a while since my last post here. Pinlano ko ulet buhayin ang aking blog site Pero naunahan ako ng katamaran. But since, one year na ko dto sa Bahrain officially today, I have to do something na malapit sa passion ko. And to start, I will tell my recent experience regarding sa pakikipagusap ko sa EX ko. Yes/ not just ex but my first love as well. I had a crazy stage of moving on with him, I did loved him so much, ung pagmamahal na wagas, unstopable. Naloko ako, wagas din 😂😂😂 and it made me think that my life was totally ruined. Then I decided to come here in Bahrain. Nung first months ko, struggle bukod sa homesick mas lalo ako naparanoid coz I'm far away from him, ung bisyo ko na habulin sya di ko magawa dito. All I can do is to stalk on his Facebook account, which I made a fraud account pa para LNG ma-add sya at makita what he's up to. And found out he has a girlfriend na, it s*cks men! Every time magpost sya ng picture with the new girl, it hurts me to the bone. Paulit ulit ko din denedeactivate ung fraud account to stop this crazy thing, Pero wala inaactivate ko pdin. Para syang bisyo tlga, di ko mapigilan. But then one day, God changed everything. Di ko din maexplain how did it happen, Pero He send me this guy to love me, guide me, tell me that I'm wrong, showing me what is right and everyday I feel like I'm learning, I'm becoming a good version of myself. From lasingera, lakwatsera, walang pakialam sa suot at sasabihin ng ibang tao, I mean I can't explain right now exactly what I want to say, but I can feel it from within. Now, I can totally say what's a priority and not for me. And most especially he's bringing me closer to God. Yes, he's not perfect, were both not perfect, were doing mistakes also, but the thing is we put God as the center of our relationship. Oppps, going back to the ex/firstlove issue. Un nga, so I must say nakamove on na ko from the love and pain he cause me. But few months ago, he started giving msgs on my fb messenger, nangangamusta ba. I felt bother why suddenly I got excited. That time, curiosity hits me a lot kaya aun, si reply naman ako, usual talks. He has a gf, I have a bf. So I'm thinking there's nothing wrong plus the fact na our conversation goes like this lang ("kamusta?" "Okay LNG, ikaw?" "Okay LNG din, yngat ka Jan ah" "sure" "kelan ka uwe?" "2017 pa, next year pa" ) something like that. Not until last June, he told me there's no forever and telling they broke up. First, little excitement nanman. And keep asking myself if I still have feelings for him. He started telling he misses me, we talked about the things we used to do before. It felt like I miss him as well, but I never tell him so, coz if I do, its like I'm cheating with my current bf. Then, we continued chatting until early this month. But its not the every minute, everyday chatting, its like 2-3 times a week. But still confuse why I'm still doing this. Until last week I asked him some favor, like if he can send some surprise to mom at work since he's just within that area. At first, I'm 100% sure he wouldn't do it, but I'm so amused he said yes. Wow that's actually wow. He's willing to make efforts huh, but then when I told him how much do I have to pay for him delivery efforts he tells like this:

Probably at first, its also my intension to do this so we have something to talk about, I mean so atleast continuously we can talk. And figured out about this weird feeling I had. But just 4days ago, after talking to him I started to think if is it really worth it to put him back on my life? Why I'm doing this? I also felt like I'm cheating already with my bf. Coz I lied to him when he asked me who will do the surprise for my mom. At tska puro English na ko ah. Kaya pala nagiistruggle ndin ako. Hahaha un nga. Di na ko makatiis and kinausap ko si Mahal, since from day one we clearly want an honest relationship, no secrets no lying. And I felt like I'm guilty. Sinabe ko sa kanya the whole story, nastutter ang Mahal ko. Di DW sya makapaniwala na nagawa ko un, Pero ma's lalo ako humanga sa Mahal ko ng nasabe nya lahat sa napaka mahinahon na paraan, I can see he's hurting, mangilidngilid ang luha but still manage to smile on me, samantalang ako, pag may onti LNG syang di nagawa halos magwala na ko ng wagas. And then napagtanto ko gano ko kamahal ng taong to, that I can't afford to waste this love he has for me. 💜 Ung lalaking nagsave sakin sa tuluyan Kong pagkawasak, nagpa ramdam sakin that I'm still worth it to be loved by somebody, ung nagtutuwid ng landas ko, I can't do this to him, coz I know what it feels to be cheated on, to be lied onto, to left hanging alone. I asked for forgiveness, he told me he can give it without even a second word, Pero ung trust daw, he's asking how can he be sure that next time di ko na gagawin sa kanya un. Kung gusto ko padin iChat si ex/first love magagawa ko pdin un kahit pa sabihin ko naibloblock ko na sya. He asked me if Mahal ko padaw ba. If OO hahayaan nya naman DW ako, he will set me free without bitterness, coz he wants me to be happy.😀 Inisip ko din un , baka nga awa LNG ung nararamdaman ko sa kanya  coz he's loving me so much. Pero Hindi eh, mas narealized ko na mas Mahal ko sya, mas minamahal pa. That night nabuo lahat ng katanungan ko. Siguro nga nagduda ako kung there is still love for ex. Pero wala cguro part lang un ng pagbuo sa lahat ng sugat ko sa kanya. Honestly now I can say 100%, I don't love my ex/firstlove anymore. Yes I do believe that first love never dies, it simply changes the love you had for them. 💜 So from love as partner to love as a friend. Sometimes first love can hurt you deeply but then he can be a hero one day in your life. I asked permission to my Mahal if I can still talked to my ex regarding the surprise for my mom thing, and he supported me a lot. I tried looking for options, but no I don't have time anymore to look for any other person to do it. I think about getting involve my sibblings but they're all busy with work, some friends but its too far from the area, sya na talaga ang tinadhana. Haha. Sobra naman tlga ako nagpapasalamat Kay ex, di man nya sakin nagawa ang effort na ganito, nagawa naman nya para sa mama ko. Credits to my ex/firstlove:

And its a success! My mom got surprised 🙌💕🎊🎈✌🎂🎁😄 thank you ex/firstlove. Hero for a day! This will never worked out without you. Godbless you 😇 Now I can say panahon talaga ang kaylangan para maka get over sa lahat ng pain ko from you. And now, I feel the whole process is over.


So now I clearly make sure that my current bf feels that he's the love of my love now. Yes, trust, its so had to build and yet it can easily be gone in just a snap of the finger. I'm doubling my efforts for my Mahal now. All I wanna do is to love him uncoditionally  💜 regardless of our differences, even he's not the most handsome, sexiest, hot, richest guy in town. I'm falling in love with his soul which I know makes me more closer to heavenly things and not just earthly things. 💕💕💕

Looking for forward to put more blog post soon 😀😀😀😀

Aikatz

Love has no boundaries 💝💝💝

Hi there. How are you? I made this blog entry to tell how much love change my own beliefs and opinions in life. Katulad mo, never ever ko din naisip mainlove sa foreigner. Uo, napaguusapan paminsan, but its not like Im gonna do it someday. Until I met him.

It all started when I finally decided to go here in Bahrain. Malayo at ibang iba sa Pinas, but I never force myself to easily fall inlove with somebody. Since Im still broken hearted by that time from my first love. Loving was least of my priorities. But I guess, ganun naman talaga un, pag di mo ineexpect dun sya dumadating. He is my workmate. It started as good friends. Some point, I admire him. He is one of those people who trained me, since Im new. He is so kind and not the bossy type. He lets me know everything that I should learn including the standards ng hotel. We used to talk casual until he calls me on the phone. One day he showed me my solo pic and his in one love collage. Hahahaha. That sure thing made me laugh and made me think he is crazy. I dont know why but he really got my attention since then. Then, he asked me what does "mahal" means coz ate Lucille (pinay workmate) always calls everybody with that. When he found out the meaning he always calls me that way too. Everynight we used to chat on viber, I was a bit turned off coz most of the grammar or spelling is wrong. There is really something different bout him that mades me feel not to ignore or taken for granted him. Until I just woke up one morning realizing how important he is on me. Maybe because hes always there when I need somebody to talk to. He can listen to me whatever drama I had. Specially those days coz Im still adjusting to the environment here. He always tells how much he loves me, how Im starting to change his life, he even told me that Im his first love, specially when talking on the phone. He never force me to love him just as he loves me, he knows exactly what happened on my past relationship and hes willing to wait. Until.....
Oct. 07, 2015
I dont know whats sooooo special that day aside from thinking bout him. I just dont know. I decided to write a letter for him, sinulat ko lang lahat ng nasa puso ko and I ended up saying yes to him. That same day I gave him the letter. I kept asking him if he already read the letter, but always says not yet. When he got home, he called me, feeling sooo surprised and excited. And soooo were officially together. We kept it to everybody coz we dont want those unwanted issues. It wasnt never easy. And from then mas marami pa palang susubok sakin, samin.

First date
We finally decided to go on a date. I never felt scared at all. I trust him fully. Except the fact na mejo ayyy I mean super na turned off ako that night. He fetch me 3 blocks from my home. Since baka nga daw may makakita samin na kawork at maissue. He doesnt like gossips and rumors thats why he can never send and fetch me door to door. We crossed the street without even looking after me, as in kanya kanya. I was like?? "Hello, gf mo ko, baka gusto mo ko alalayan sa pagtawid" but I just made dedma rather than telling. Another thing is that I can smell him slightly B.O. and strong perfume (major turned off) and the most kagimbal gimbal issue is that he confess to me that he cannot write and read english. And I was like.... seriously?????????!!!!!!!!!!! We promised to each other that we will not lie and soo he confess it to me as early as then. I told him I cant love him anymore. Whats on my mind that night is what other people will say if I go with this kind of man, who doent even know how to read and write. Nobody will allow me to get into this relationship. I asked him what does he want from me, I even told him that maybe hes just after sex. My heart really melted when he told me he loves me. He simply want to love me with all of his heart. That even if I dumped him that same night he would still look after me, still care and love me. He can prove to me that his intension for me is good.

This was our very first picture together. 

Even if there is some doubts on my mind,I keep getting to know him more. And as the days go by. I can really feel that he really loves me. I can tell him everything to him without even judging me. He let me feel like hes my bestfriend, my protector, my adviser. 

First time I saw him crying

I kept asking myself how did I got into this situation. Why did I choose to love this guy. Is love just enough?? Days, months passedby. Im really falling inlove with him. Ung feeling na my day is not enough pag di ko sya nakausap. At first inisip ko feeling ko lng siguro, coz he spoils me alot. Pero hindi eh. There is really love. Pero as what they`ve said, there is no perfect love. Meron at meron kayong magiging conflict. At di madali. 

Love is a sacrifice. 

Nung una, di ko naisip na madami kameng pagkakaiba. Ang alam ko lang is muslim sya, catholic ako. But I always ended up telling to myself that atleast we both believe in God. Thats what matters. But then, dumadating talaga sa point na lalabas at lalabas ung pagkakaiba nyo.

 *First he told me that I should never wear shorts or skirts or anything that shows my skin, specially my legs. 

>okay. I can. No problem.

 * I should never shout or talk loud or laugh loud in public places. 

>oh well, this is sooo me. But I can. No problem.

* I should not talk to the boys much. Not even going out.

>this sounds OA, but Im controlling. I can still.

*I should deacctive my fb account

>it took as a bit discussion but both ageed that I will just minimized upload pictures instead of deactivating. Okay. I can. 

 *Whats his decision is both our decision. 

>oopps this is too much. this time it got into my nerves. There is one incident that we go out, we already planned that we will try some local foods( kabab) and sheesha. He really wont allow me to have sheesha but since makulit ako, I keep insisting until I convinced him that it would be the first and last. After eating, we passedby to the kubos store. Id love eating that and so we stopped and bought some. As soon as we got the kubos, we need to keep walking since pagabe na nga. I told him I want to eat while walking. He wont allow me coz masama daw ang kumakaen habang naglalkad. But I dont want, I told him mas masarap kaini un pagmainit. But hes not listening to me. Until he told me were not going to the have sheesha. I really got angry, since sabe ko nga it was planned already tas magdedecision sya na wag nalang. What is this. That time I felt like im a robot. That he will dictate me all the things thati should do and not. We really had a huge fight that time. Althought it was jus me whos really making it big deal. Kahit anong suyo nya skin that time inis talaga ako. Dun ki naisip na tama ba na pinasok ko tong relationship na to. Coz Im starting to feel that it was not me anymore. Andami na nyang binabago skin. I broke up with him that time. I even told him to walk away from me, but he didnt. He even send me home. Then as I told him stop following me, I saw his eyes crying. That time naguilt namam ako and shocked. Coz di ako makapaniwala that he is crying infront of me. Dun ko narealized na iba sya. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ung gabeng un. 

Shall continue.............