My Plan VS. God's Plan
Aug. 16, 2015
Hi there. Kamusta? As I promise, I'll be back to write more posts. :)
Well, Im here to tell my personal experiences on how did God changed my life. I know, for others it may sound strange and OA, but this is just my own sharings and realizations that Ive never seen before. In the end, its up to you what you want to believe in. My main purpose is to inspire others :) Keep the Faith!
I grew up believing that there is God, Im a Roman Catholic. I rarely go to church and prays when needed. Iam not a religious type. I have a strong personality. I do plan things ahead of time. Para sakin, Lahat ng bagay pinaplano, coz Im afraid to commit mistakes. I have my own rules, my path, my goals at un lang ang mahalaga sakin. that was me 5 years ago. Tiwala ako na with that attitude, I know Im on the right track although I did always ask for His guidance. My top goal is to work on a cruiseship! as in. To go to Europe!that was everything to me. Ung feeling na nabubuhay lang ako just to fulfill that. sounds OA but its true. (refer on my other blogposts). Sabe nga nila, theres no elevator to succes, you have to take the stairs, and so I did. After graduating a vocational course, I start looking for experiences, at dahil ayun ang requirement para makaapply sa cruise. From Marie France to Makati Shangrila. I feel more confident those times, kasi naachieve ko ung path na gusto ko at the same time, sobra akong nageenjoy sa life ko. Mas lalo ako naniniwala na pag gusto mo makukuha mo. Until I fell inlove, sobrang nilabanan ko sya at first, coz according to my rules, bawal ako mainlove at magcommit, coz makakasira un sa goal ko. But it did happened, at sobrang nawala ako sa sarili. I got totally lost. But dahil nga nagmamatapang ako, ayun, pinilit kong bumangon ON MY OWN. Nabasa ko ung mga past blog entries ko dito sa blogsite ko tas naalala ko ung goal ko, and so back to business. Dun ko lng din narealized that I was working with Shang for two years na, and so I started applying for my goal, cruise. Until he(my ex) came back again to me, I kept on forgiving him, over and over again even if he does the same mistakes. Mahal ko sya sobra at mahal ko din pangarap ko. Di din naman ako nabigo nun, coz I finally got a YES to jebsen, finally! and had him still(kahit sobrang gulo ng status namin). Mas super umapaw ung confidence ko nun, feeling ko okay na ko. I didnt continue my contract at shang since tiwala ako na makakaalis na ko soon. I start taking the trainings and requirements needed. Nung time na yon, masaya ako coz after 5years, finally I saw my plans coming into reality. I dont have any idea na it was just the beginning of a total reconstruction of my life......
Days, weeks and months passby, the moment of truth. I compiled all the requirements needed, just when Jebsen told us na mapepending kame, they do not know kung kelan pa kame makakaalis and worst is that they were telling us to try applying to the other shipping agencies. That time, gumuho ung mundo ko. Then he(my ex) starts telling me that hes courting a girl. + Im having several fights with my siblings + I got no job, so it means no money + I got fewer friends(di ko din alam bkit) basta everything in just a snap parang nawala sakin. As in. Feeling ko luging lugi ako. I was down with nothing. I dont know what to do. I start being depress. Minsan naiisip ko nun, whats the sense of life nga ba? Kung maachieve ko o hindi ung dreams ko whats next? Im starting to question my purpose, even my worth. I start questioning myself kung bakit nangyayare these such things. I know this sounds weird, but one night I dreamed of me and my family, its judgement day. I was really worried, I ask my mom, "Ma, end of the world na". The skies are low with starts tas may mga balls of fire na bumabagsak, theres flood outside our house, I am soo worried, ung di tlga ako mapakali, then theres this big wall, super big wall sya, tas andaming taong gustong makarating dun sa kabilang part. While in the middle of panicking may manong sa likod ko kinalabit ako, saying this: "bat ka nagpapanic? Diba ito na un hinihintay natin, Dahil ba marami kang kinakatakot dahil sa mga ginawa mo? Dapat magtiwala lang tayo, di tayo papabayaan ng Diyos." then the manong leave. I saw myself just standing realizing the things Ive done here on earth. I got curious why I dreamed of that. Eto na ba ung sign ni God for me to call onto Him? I start praying paginaatake ako ng anxiety, it works until nagsa-Sunday mass na ko, nung time na yon laging sakto sakin ung sermon ng pari. The first time I attended, ung issue is about family, that time sobrang may struggle sa family ko especially with me and my younger bro, then I almost cried dun sa mass, di ko din maexplain why, pero siguro ayon ung sinasabe nilang tagos sa puso na emotion, ung touched by God tlga :) Then un na nga, habits, mejo binago ko,less social networks, mejo workout, mejo ayos ng bahay. For a while effective sya, mejo nawawala na ung anxiety ko. But totoo din ung sinasabe nilang habang pinipili mong lumapit sa Kanya(God) tska ka naman mas lalong sinusubok, ginagamit ung mga tao sa paligid mo, dun ko mas lalong inisip at nagsimulang isabuhay ung words of wisdom ni God. Until that night, June 4, 2015. I watched that episode of 700 club asia, sobrang nakarelate ako sa issue nila that night, I was crying coz I felt that that episode was specially made for me, Mr. Peter Kairuz said "Kung di muna kaya, isuko mo kay God, coz you are not alone, alam ni God kung gano mo kinaya at dinala lahat, now its time for you to give it up to Him". And thats what I did, I did it with all my heart. The next morning, di ko akalain na may answer agad. Ang bilis.(refer to the previous blog). In the span of 2months, eto na ko. Paalis na. Dahil sa pagsuko ko ng lahat sa kanya, He gave me new path, new goal, new life. Pero just two weeks ago, Kung kelan settle na lahat. Jebsen called me, Alis na sana ako ng Sept. 12 + Pax cabin (cabin stewardess) ung position + all my papers sobrang ready to pass na, medical nalng kulang ko which is sagot pa ng company. Nung una, nanlumo ako, bumalik ung mga frustations ko, kasi that is my plan right? Di ko rin alam kung bakit, pero the way I talk to Ms. Aileen(fleet manager) Im sure that Im letting go that offer, I told here comitted na ko, ng walang pagaalinlangan. Naisip ko, maybe God is just testing me, kung ipagpapalit ko pa ba tong new path na binigay nya skin para sa luma kong pinakapinapangarap. I let go of my own plans, kung dati sobra ako magplano, ngayon NO, im not. Yes may mga plans pero di nakatulad nung dati na parang may blinders ako na focus lng sa goal, at pansariling kagustuhan lang. Now, Im more looking forward sa mga purposes ni God para sakin. May may mga tao na kong inienvolve sa plans ko, like my family, especially my parents, pati sa ibang tao, I want to help people. I want to know God more. Kung di dahil kay God, Im sooo nothing na ngayon, maaaring magtagumpay ako sa pagkamit ng mga pangarap ko nun pero I would still feel the emptiness, walang point ang life ko dati dahil punong puno ng makamundong bagay lang.
Andaming realizations sa life ko, every detail na pangyayari my dahilan si God. Sobrang walang wala ung plans ko compare to His, ngayon ko lang nadiscover nung hinayaan kong sya ang magdala sa life ko :) Just by trusting Him, pinapakita Nya sakin which path to go. I know its just the beginning nanman pagpunta ko sa Bahrain, but Im less worried coz I know anjan lang Sya for me, that feeling of security, hinding hindi matutumbasan ng kahit magkano un. Andami nagsasabe sakin, mahirap dun, ang liit lang ng sweldo, hindi ko kakayanin malamang, icancel ko na daw at ipush ung sa jebsen pero no I wont mind that all, Hindi lahat tungkol sa pera at sasabihin ng tao sakin. I trust God, may dahilan bat ako sa Bahrain mapupunta, at un ang aalamin ko. :)
For God, making mistake is not the issue, Ive learned that as human being its okay to make mistakes, but the thing is natuto ba tayo? Pinagsisihan ba natin? For as long as we dont learn the lesson, paulet ulet ulet ulet ulet ulet ulet nating kayang magawa un hanggang sa kasanayan na at mahirapan ng baguhin. But its never too late, help yourself. Trust Him and hold on. :)
God is love. God loves us unconditionally. Kaya dapat when we do love, wag tayong magbase sa kung ano lang ang kaya nyang ibigay na love, Love because you love, expect nothing in return. Para walang regrets. For love causes us to do specific acts of kindness, not just feel sympathetic. Love is not an emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is an action. :)
Walking by Faith and not by sight. No matter how disastrous you think your life might be, Never ever think that its too late. Believe in His strength, madalas pag in the middle of crisis ka un na pala ung greatest calling mo. He can turn that in to something kaya Trust him fully.
I do believe in the goodness ng mga tao. Kahit kriminal pa yan, manloloko, sinungaling, basta naniniwala ako na may kabutihan pa sa puso ng bawat tao, siguro di lang natin makita kung minsan kasi nababalutan ng evil, pero anjan at anjan padin ya :)
I Love You Lord! I know anjan ang mga struggles at I will never ask for a problem free life, but I know that with your strength makakaya ko lahat :)
